Musings of a Nut

Grandpa's Gone...

2009-10-21T03:25:00.002+08:00

19 Oct 09

Grandpa passed away at 1630hrs while I was in the middle of a meeting. Mum messaged me but I wasn't able to receive messages in mandarin. Wasn't till she called at 1700hrs that I got the news. Even then, I put off disrupting the meeting till almost half an hour later. If I weren't the secretariat for the event that we're meeting about, I would have sounded off immediately. Still. Filial piety vs responsibility?

Dad came to fetch me and we reached the hospital at 1845hrs. Grandpa's body had already been moved away. Too late.

***

When I visited him the day before, it was one of those rare moments when he actually seemed to recognise me. Shook my hand and we did the wrestling grip as we always did in the past. Dad said grandpa kept making the "kong ka kiao" sign with his fingers. I guess he knew, and that was his final moment of clarity...

***

For years I had been the only grandson amongst a bevy of female cousins. Naturally I was his pride and joy. I remember my aunts giving me the nickname "machinegun", cos I talked non-stop, my words struggling to keep up with my thoughts. First Aunt liked to call me "Xiao Feng Fan". Grandma would just call me "Ah Fan". For him, I was always "wa eh soon" - my grandson.

I don't remember too much of him in my childhood. My impression is that he was a quiet man, content to sit there with his pipe watching. Dad takes after him in that quiet aspect, not the pipe lol.

My earliest memory of him is probably of when I was in Pri school. Mum doesn't recall it or maybe she didn't know of it, but he used to give him those awesome liquid ink Uniball pens, although they did smudge through my exercise books hah. I would bug him when I ran out and he would reach into the box and give me one. Oh and he gave me boxes of those China-brand pencils as well. I remember the smell of the wood hmm... And I remember him telling me to "study hard!" as he handed me the pencils and pens.

He became more withdrawn after his retirement. Probably cos he isn't the breadwinner anymore, and there were many things he couldn't provide for anymore. I kind of understood without understanding if you get my drift. Gradually, I saw less of him smiling, and more of him quarreling. And then he had a stroke. That took what was left out of him. He couldn't walk unassisted anymore, had difficulty speaking and his health started failing.

Grandma was saying just this morning that he became bad-tempered in part because of his disabilities, and also because of Alzheimer's onset. She understood that he didn't mean to be rowdy or be physically abusive. We all knew. But I know I didn't try to still show him the love, care and concern that he deserves. I saw him as his was now and forgot about how he was in the past. Perhaps everyone did. But as we looked at him lying there in the coffin, I felt emotions rush forth. Everyone remembered him as he was, the heroic father who had ventured to Singapore by himself at a tender age and settled down in this foreign land, the selfless father who had provided for his 2 daughters and 4 sons everything that they needed, the kindly grandpa who always looked on with his heart in his eyes...

Grandpa, lets meet again in the afterlife ya? This time I will come hold your hand and go on a walk with you...

As I embark towards middle age O.o

2009-09-23T16:57:00.001+08:00

It really is easy getting caught up and lost in the swirl of colors and movement. Humans hardly ever stop and just enjoy the moment do they?

I think the problem with growing up or yes older.. is that one by one our dreams become impossible and suddenly we just give up trying.

On the other hand with all the chasing of dreams we forget to stop and look around. Hmm like the show Huo Yuan Jia (霍元甲). To stop and just feel the breeze. Won't it be horrible to look up one day and see an old man/woman in the mirror?

So two scenarios. Those who give up on their dreams and those who don't. Both don't seem right.

I think i'm at that impasse right now.. not so young I can carelessly chase dreams nor too old to follow a dream.

Now the other problem is.. what are my dreams? Now that I've experienced the world and can no longer claim to be an innocent. Hmm..

I read a literary piece once. We aren't living.. we are dying day by day.. pessimistic eh?

New project

2009-02-04T00:06:00.003+08:00

Yo!

Wow, been a long time since I blogged. Anyway, this is just to inform whoever still reads this that:

1. No, this blog isn't quite dead YET.

2. Yes, I will TRY to spend more time on this.

3. I've started a new blog at . Was inspired by Alan... cos he very quickly forgot whatever I told him about photography a week back. So I figured that I should probably write everything down~ And it will be a journal of my own journey in the world of photography~ Do visit the blog once it is officially up! ^ ^

So ya, I'm still alive :)

Wall-E Review

2008-08-30T17:43:00.000+08:00

Rating: 4/5!

Pixar never fails to deliver and delivery it does this time with Wall-E. There's hardly any dialogue in the movie yet it is able to relay an amazing amount of emotions from a very "human" Wall-E. There're funny moments and touching moments. Recommended to watch it with someone you like :p

If you can only catch one movie this weekend, make it Wall-E! ^ ^

Star Wars: The Clone Wars Review

2008-08-29T15:58:00.000+08:00

Rating: 2/5

Its not THAT bad actually if you were watching this on TV on Cartoon Network. But it definitely did not live up to all that hype as a movie.

Visuals aren't much different from what you can find on most animated series these days. The cinematics are pretty good of course coming from Lucas, but thats about it really. Nothing to wow about here.

Voice acting was pretty bland and the boring dialogue didn't really help inject life into the characters.

The story was straightforward with no hidden surprises, the usual good guys vs bad guys setup. Audiences were thrown into the middle of the story trying to make sense of how it all fit into the new Trilogy. Perhaps a marketing strategy to make you go back and buy the trilogy >..< I felt that some background story would have helped run everyone in. A more satisfying ending to the conclusion of the Clone Wars would also have been in order (imagine all the silly droids being blasted into oblivion). The way the story ended left me wondering if this was really the key to the end of the clone wars (a stinky larvae???). Kinda anti-climax.

No spoilers so far I hope. Anyway, will be catching Wall-E next, it can't be worse!

Sale of Organs Debate

2008-07-11T11:46:00.005+08:00

Read Mypaper on 1 July and for some reason I was pretty riled up by the arguments presented advocating the legalisation of the sale of organs...

So I wrote in my views, despite being half asleep at that time :p

Didn't realy like the title that the paper created for my views though... "Criminals" sounds so... childish? And I bet all the wealthy people out there would resent being lumped together with criminals too >..< Anyway, some other dude wrote in as well subsequently, with a whole bunch of bombastic words in his article (I'd go with easy to understand simple words anyday). Still, his suggestions didn't answer the primary reason why I feel the whole notion's an exploitation of the poor - The wealthy will never be the ones selling their organs!

There was an article recently (on the Straits Times I think... no free electronic copy on the internet so can't post here) by some really bright dude in NUS, citing examples from Iran (where trading of organs is legal). I think he put across my points in a much better way :p

In the end, I'm against unfair systems that do not uphold equality. No one has the right to (potentially) take another man's life so as to save his own. Not if you gave him more money than he could have made in a life time.

(P.S. For some reason the formatting's all off on my office computer >..<)

Feeling old...

2008-06-08T23:30:00.001+08:00

Took some shots of kids playing at the fountain @ Bugis earlier while waiting for wife to knock off... They're so innocent and pure!

Funny how I was thinking the same thing in church in the morning, looking at all the teens who I've sort of watched grow up. Can't help but wonder how many of them will be together with us in church still in our old age... Can't help but worry for those going through what I've gone through before... and I know too well how dangerous this period is! Especially those who've decided that the black hair that God has given them isn't good enough, and they can't WAIT till they're older to start spoiling their hair >..<

Which brings me to the crux of it all, WAITING. Telling a teenager to WAIT is like saying NO to him/her. And it is exactly because of this unwillingness to wait, this impatience, that many wrongdoings are committed, many regrets come about later in life.

Funny how I recall my elders giving me advice, telling me their regrets, and now I'm trying to do the same to my juniors. Lol. How can I do it better? How can I help them such that they will be alert, and avoid the pitfalls that I've fallen into once and again? What more can I do that others could have done to help me? These are the questions that plague me yet have no answers to. I knew what not to do, yet I CHOSE to disobey. It is a personal choice that no one can really influence. When that moment comes, its between you, satan and God.

I wonder how I stuck to my convictions NEVER to smoke, NEVER to gamble yet failed in those that mattered more to those who love me and I love...? Perhaps when I understand, I can better share and guide those I love...

Birthday Special

2008-06-02T00:03:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to the 2 people celebrating their birthdays on 1 June...

Enjoying his birthday treat

So happy to get roses from a young hunk :D

Photos updated

2008-06-01T23:53:00.000+08:00

Finally uploaded more photos... 99% of the photos I take don't make the cut onto Flickr... Hoho... Shall try to find time to blog more :)

Poetic Night

2008-05-12T23:31:00.000+08:00

Long overdue post of something I read on the tray ad at Coffee Bean :)

TIME SPENT

It's not the nights, I have to bear
It's not the days I have to serve
By time I wait, while I am lost
It's the weight of sin I have to bear
The ones I love, but fail to serve
By time I know, I'm in a loss
These are the seals upon my heart
That's trapped within a hardened shell
Hiding a shame I'll never tell
But enters this shell, a grain of sand
Layered coatings of lessons learned
Reflections of itself back then
A new found grace, polished with faith
Patience reveals a glow within
A beautiful pearl as black as sin
In fear of thunder, there's a promise of rain
For every loss, a hidden gain
Faith and patience: remedies for pain
So to my Lord, I do repent
To my love, I'll make amends
For all my sins, my faults. Amen
To gain what's lost, when time was spent

Winning poem by prison inmate for the Yellow Ribbon Poetry Competition.

Absence...

2008-05-08T13:02:00.000+08:00

So sorry I've been away for so long again... Heh...

Here's a nice story I read somewhere. Although I doubt it came from Einstein as claimed :) Its kinda long so bear with me...

***

A science professor begins his school year with a lecture to the students,
'Let me explain the problem science has with religion.' The atheist
professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new
students to stand.

'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'

'Yes sir,' the student says.

So you believe in God?'

'Absolutely.'

'Is God good?'

'Sure! God's good.'

'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'

'Yes.'

'Are you good or evil?'

'The Bible says I' m evil.'

The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible!' He considers for a moment.
'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can
cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'

'Yes sir, I would.'

'So you're good...!'

'I wouldn't say that.'

{ 'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could.
Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.' }

{Argument #1: God doesn't seem to be helping those in need}

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. 'He doesn't, does
he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to
Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?'

The student remains silent.

'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a
glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.

Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'

'Er...yes,' the student says.

'Is Satan good?'

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'

'Then where does Satan come from?'

The student falters. 'From God'

'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in
this world?'

'Yes, sir.'

'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?'

'Yes.'

{'So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created everything,
then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle
that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'}

{Argument #2: If God created everything, why did He create evil?}

Again, the student has no answer. 'Is there sickness? Immorality?
Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?'

The student squirms on his feet. 'Yes.'

'So who created them?'

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question.
'Who created them?' There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks
away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized.
'Tell me,' he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in Jesus
Christ, son?'

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. 'Yes, professor, I do.'

The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five senses you use to
identify and observe the world around you.
Have you ever seen Jesus?'

'No sir. I've never seen Him.'

'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'

'No, sir, I have not.'

'Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus?
Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that
matter?'

'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'

Yet you still believe in him?'

'Yes.'

According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol,
science says your God doesn't exist.
What do you say to that, son?'

'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my faith.'

{'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has
with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'}

{Argument #3: No scientific evidence to prove that God exists}

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His
own.

'Professor, is there such thing as heat?'

'Yes,' the professor replies. 'There's heat.'

'And is there such a thing as cold?'

'Yes, son, there's cold too.'

'No sir, there isn't.'

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room
suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. 'You can have
lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white
heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We
can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any
further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be
able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees.'

'Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits
energy, and heat is what makes a bod y or matter have or transmit energy.
Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is
only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold.
Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the
opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.'

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding
like a hammer.

'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'

'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation. 'What is night if it isn't
darkness?'

'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of
something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing
light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called
darkness, isn't it?

That's the meaning we use to define the word.'

'In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness
darker, wouldn't you?'

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a
good semester.

'So what point are you making, young man?'

'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start
with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. 'Flawed? Can you
explain how?'

'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains. 'You
argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God.
You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can
measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.'

'It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully
understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be
ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death
is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.'

'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a
monkey?'

'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes,
of course I do.'

'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where
the argument is going.

A very good semester, indeed.

{'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot
even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching
your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'}

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has
subsided.

'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me
give you an example of what I mean.'

The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who has
ever seen the professor's brain or measured the quantity of knowledge in it?'

The class breaks out into laughter.

'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the
professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to
have done so. Have we technically, seen or measured the amount of knowledge in his brain?

{So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable,
demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due
respect, sir.'

'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, Sir?'}

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face
unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. 'I guess you'll
have to take them on faith.'

'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,'
the student continues.

'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?'

Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it
everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in
the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These
manifestations are nothing else but evil.'

To this the student replied,

{'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does
not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God.

It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe
the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the RESULT of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart.
It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that
comes when there is no light.'}

The professor sat down.

Cloverfield

2008-01-19T22:25:00.000+08:00

Just caught the movie earlier after waking up from a 5hr KO session. Don't know why but I've been really really tired recently. Age catching up with me? Hmmm >..<

Anyway, this is a VERY nice movie. Its definitely not your average movie. You could say there isn't a story or a plot. But I think its a very nicely thought out movie that gives you an almost first person view of the "story".

Go watch it! But don't expect a typical ending. There isn't one. This isn't a movie about monsters, how they came or how humans (or rather the Americans) won. This is sorta a documentary of people trying to survive, and of 1 guy coming to terms with his true feelings.

Definitely recommended ^ ^

Sakae Update

2008-01-11T23:47:00.000+08:00

Had dinner at Sakae today. First some pics.

My fav Spicy Tuna Gunkan Sushi :)

And Chicken Katsu Don

Firstly, the Sashimi slices are getting THINNER. And there I was complaining when we were in Malacca. Seems that the situation's getting bad here too. And I think they reduced the number of slices too >..<

Recommendation: If you want Sashimi, go to authentic restaurants and pay abit more for alot more satisfaction. Personal favourite right now is in Paragon Basement, near the toilet... forgot name of the place hehe...

Secondly, the rice used seems to be getting BIGGER. Doesn't really taste or look like japanese short grain rice... Hmm...

Recommendation: If there's Yoshinoya nearby, go!

Sadly, Sakae next to Jurong Point is losing standard. Not sure about the other outlets though. Did you expect me to complain about them after seeing the nice pics i took? Hehe... This isn't the first visit that I've noticed the standard dropping, but I had hoped that it wasn't a permanent thing. Sigh.

Rising prices, lower quality + quantity, and yet I'm paying more for SERVICE without gaining any SATISFACTION. Pathetic.

Grandpa's Birthday

2008-01-01T01:23:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday we celebrated Grandpa's birthday. A joyous day marred by the fact that he did not really understand what was going on. He couldn't even recognise half the people present, although not surprisingly he recognised me... Sigh...

Proverbs 17: 6 Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.

Have I really been a crown to my gramps? I'm quite sure I showed plenty of promise when I was young... all squandered away in my arrogant youth. I certainly did not live up to all the expectations piled upon me. Not that its that much of a big deal these days. To be the first graduate, to earn tons of cash, to have a big house and drive a big car... Still... Had I paid more attention I'd have been able to give him a more comfortable life BEFORE he started going senile.

Anyway that's all in the past. As I was saying to Tiwa yesterday, the beauty of our faith is that God is always willing to forgive and accept us so long as we sincerely repent and improve. I'm not Moses' age yet. I've still got plenty of time left for God to use!

Thankfully I haven't reached Psalm 37: 25 "I was young and now I am old." Heh... that'll be kinda late :p

Word of advice for those who can still be called young, 2 Timothy 2: 22 "Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." Read on to see what you shouldn't be doing... don't be lazy now!

And finally, some photos :)

Dad the Thinker :)

Grandma, glad to see me as usual...

No. 2 after me, the Lin Chin Hsia of the family :p

#1 Ai Swee

Look how happy grandma is after making her cry! :D

They always say there's a woman behind every successful man

Moi woman :)

Happy New Year everyone~!

Ashley part 2?

2007-12-31T00:24:00.000+08:00

Lost count... but anyway, check out the pics with my 85/1.8! Hehe... find the pics SO MUCH better than before :p

C'mon Will, i know you're SO tempted :)

Run for your lives!!!

2007-12-29T00:29:00.000+08:00

:):):)

Quick Recap of Church Camp 2007

2007-12-27T10:47:00.000+08:00

The top 3 photos from the Church Camp :)

No. 1 - Our sexiest dude

No. 2 - Bae Yong Min :)

No. 3 - Er... DO NOT ZOOM IN ON HIS FACE! :p

For more pictures, go on to my Flickr account and look under the Set : Church Camp 2007 ^ ^

WarLords Review

2007-12-14T12:32:00.000+08:00

Caught the show last night... Not too bad, with some gore that wasn't all that bloody, although Tiwa seems to be very affected by it haha...

It has been a very long time since i've seen Takeshi's boyish smirk, reminiscence of the days where he often starred in silly comedy films. And it is quite obvious he was really relaxed and enjoying himself in this show, with 2 screen titans to take the pressure off of him. Really happy seeing him relaxed for some reason haha... He IS one of my favourite actors after all :)

Jet Li's really starting to show his age here. He has never been really good looking with his pock-marked face, and now he seems to have put on some weight. Thankfully he still displays much of his lightning fast reflexes and moves...

Andy Lau seems bored and distracted in this movie. Perhaps in part because there wasn't really any breakthrough in the role assigned to him. Its yet another classical role that he has played a dozen times over. Somehow i get this feeling that he wasn't too serious about the acting. There was this scene where the 3 became sworn brothers and Andy's character had this expression on that seemed like he wasn't serious and was plotting something. It was only in the later part of the show where i realised that wasn't the case. His character was loyal till the end... Hmm... Perhaps its time he took a break?

All in all, the movie's alright... although i didn't really get the storyline. Was it about brotherhood? Or betrayal? The folly of men in pursue of power? Hope or hopelessness? Yeah they overtook Nanjing and consolidated the Qing Dynasty's power over China... but their role in history or the future wasn't really brought out nor addressed by the movie itself.

Recommendation? Watch it just to see Takeshi young and fun again :)

Jinfa / Meizhen Wedding

2007-12-10T00:23:00.000+08:00

Photos are done... Realised that 99% of the shots were point and shoot equivalents >..< Yes i know that the borders after the first picture are too thick... Maybe i'll change it when i'm not so lazy :p Btw, the edited versions without the black backing is up on my flickr... Not the original full size though. The originals will be burnt and given to Jinfa~ W, remember to pass the picture of your dad's hand holding the ring to him... he has been telling me he wants it everytime he sees me :D

Retouched Group Photo

2007-12-08T00:32:00.000+08:00

Color's nicer i think..? The smaller version of this picture i uploaded to flickr had ugly edges so i decided to upload this FULL version... Click to see... be prepared to take a while for it to load though... but i think its good enough to be used for your wallpapers hehe...

Realised that the auto focus resulted in Char's face being the most in-focus (someone lor... stand so front snatch "jin tou") >..< Next time i'll have to remember to use a smaller aperture and manual focus abit...

X'mas Wishlist (READ: WISH)

2007-12-07T12:45:00.000+08:00

What i hope to get for this X'mas...

A Canon EF 35mm f/2 lens at $549 from Canon Singapore... Shops in Funan or Sim Lim prob sells it for $100 less...

or

A Canon EF 28mm f/1.8 lens at $969

AND

A Canon EF 85mm f/1.8 lens at $789

or

A Canon EF 50mm f/1.4 lens at $799

***

But if I'm really greedy (and rich), I definitely want...

A Canon EF 35mm f/1.4 L lens at $2599

AND

A Canon EF 85mm f/1.2 L lens at $4399

If i could only have one lens though... this is what i'd want :D

The Canon EF-S 17-55mm f/2.8 IS USM... ($ unknown... but selling for US$1000)

Fast enough for some nice blurred (bokeh) shots and versatile enough to give me some wide angled shots and nice ~50mm close ups... Sigh... if only my 17-85mm were fast enough! Should have just bought the camera body and gotten this lens in the first place -..-

So... Anyone wanna get me a X'mas present this year?

Man Hunt 2008

2007-12-04T00:11:00.000+08:00

My dad the HULK >..<

Did some post processing... more color and less dull?

Tatarah

2007-12-03T18:57:00.000+08:00

Been bidding on Tatarah but not winning :(
What i've gathered from my recent observations... The winner is usually within $4 of the max bid. It is NOT the max bid... Its really about luck...

Anyway, Will, if you're reading this, the Nikon 40x is up for grabs... Not a bad camera... why not try your luck? :p

Star of tomorrow

2007-12-03T00:05:00.000+08:00

Presenting
Alan Wu
Singapore Idol 2010

Ok so i'm bored :p

OS Migration

2007-11-27T15:08:00.000+08:00

Guess what? I've just migrated over to UBUNTU ^ ^ Goodbye Windows! Err... Well, temporarily anyway... What i did was actually create a 20gb partition on my hard-drive and install Ubuntu on it to trial it. I'm definitely hooked hehe...

Ubuntu allows you to create different workspaces to have different programs/windows open on them at one time, much like what OSX has now. So i can be playing games on one workspace while "doing my work" on the other. Anytime i need to, i can just switch over the entire screen to show me typing on Words, surfing the net researching... etc... Cool huh?

Check out this screenshot of my ACTUAL desktop while switching workspaces... Of course you can make the switch instantaneous, but i wanted to show off :p

And the best part is, everything's customisable. I can use any picture i want, have any menus i want... I can even make the whole OS look and function like Vista or OSX if i wanted to. And its FAST. Even surfing the web's ALOT faster.

The downside? No real support for Windows games >..<>

Ashley galore~

2007-11-22T14:46:00.000+08:00

Toddler who loves being photographed... must be influence of her HAM HAM DAD :D

The INFAMOUS Dad ^ ^;

Random Pics

2007-11-22T14:36:00.000+08:00

Some random pics that i took~

And of course... my favourite's the last one! Hehe...

iPhone @ SG Update

2007-10-23T09:22:00.000+08:00

For those of you considering getting the iPhone off Ebay (S$700-900) or Lucky Plaza (S$900), think again!

No not cos the iPhone MIGHT come to SG in 2008. But because France is getting one real soon ^ ^
So what does something in France have anything to do with SG? BECAUSE France will be getting UNLOCKED iPhones from APPLE /ORANGE (Yes... Orange... the wireless provider in France... Apples and Oranges... haha...).

What this means is that you no longer need to take the risk of jailbreaking your iPhones in order to unlock them (unless what you want is to allow 3rd party apps to be installed). In other words, CHEAPER and SAFER (less liklihood of your iPhone bricking when it updates its firmware) iPhones in the near future! (4th quarter 2007~)

*Info Courtesy of Cnet and PMPToday

iPod Touch!

2007-10-14T23:17:00.000+08:00

Ordered my iPod Touch on Sunday night, received it 2 days later! Woot! Might just be the first one to have one in Singapore ^ ^ The shops in Orchard weren't carrying the item yet on Sunday. Kekeke...

Wanted to blog about this like last week, but really couldn't find the time hehe... Anyway, i've just *hacked* my iPod Touch to enable applications from iPhone to run on it... Such as Maps (Google maps), Mail, Notes, Weather, Calendar (editable)... I'm even able to install 3rd party apps on it now. Have got a IM app installed, as well as some games :D Hmmm... I could start a business doing this for people :p

Nintendo Wii vs Sony PS3

2007-09-03T11:18:00.000+08:00

Hopefully this post will help those of you who are thinking of getting one.

Lets do some basic comparison first.

SIZE

The Wii is like the size of an external CD-Writer whereas the PS3 is like a thicker version of those old VCRs you had when you were younger (it comes in a box that says 7kg!!!)

So those of you with space constraints might want to think about this.

MULTIMEDIA

The PS3 can play DVDs and Blu-Ray discs besides game discs, while the Wii can't even play DVDs (unless you mod it, but i've read that it wears down the drive real fast). However both are able to log on to the internet and allow you to watch your favourite content on Youtube or something similar full-screen.

Those who are looking for a all-in-one mulimedia powerhouse might be inclined towards the PS3. I'm more of the online type and i find surfing on the Wii more pleasant, plus it uses the OPERA browser!

GRAPHICS

If you compare the 2, the Wii is definitely a pushover. It doesn't even support full HD! However, if you don't own a HD TV set, like me, it doesn't really matter. PLUS, current games on the PS3 aren't even pushing the visuals. Its only minimally better than the PS2 imho.

STORAGE

The Wii only has memory card options while the PS3 comes in 20gb and 60gb models (recently saw 80gb models on ebay hmm...). However i'm still puzzling as to what i should put in my PS3. So far only installed certain games into the hard-disk to make the game run faster (still need the Blu-Ray disc to run). As for the Wii, i did try using my sis' SD card on it. Quite fun using the Wii's edit tools to do some basic editing of the photos hehe...

GAMES

The crunch, Games. Currenly both systems have limited titles as compared to the Xbox. However, the PS3 is able to play PS2 games, but only if the PS2 game is from the same country (note that PS3 games are not region-coded). For example poor me can't play my US PS2 games on my Asia PS3... SIGH... Anyone want to change? :p The Wii has the upper hand when it comes to game distributors as there are many companies who find it more appealing and are making games for it. I remember seeing a report that there are over a 1000 games in the making for the Wii while there are only a couple of 100 for the other systems. Hmmm... The Wii is selling like hotcakes too!

Personally, after playing Resident Evil 4 on the Wii, i simply can't play other shooting games on my laptop or the PS3 anymore. Its just so much better being able to point and shoot while moving about with your other hand. The Wii controller really rocks. My recommedation is the Wii for shooting games, period.

My Current Game List

Wii PS3

Zelda: Twilight Princess Ninja Gaiden
Paper Mario Virtual Tennis (Borrowed)
Trauma Centre: 2nd Opinion Resistance: Fall of Man (Borrowed)
Warioware
Call of Duty 3
Resident Evil 4
Mario Strikers
Wii Sports

As you can see, i'm not even tempted by any PS3 games... except maybe Ridge Racer 7, but its already an old game... don't really want to buy it and have Ridge Racer 8 appear the next day.

CONCLUSION

If you own a HD TV (1080p full HD preferably), am a sucker for top notch graphics and like having something powerful enough to run a nuclear weapon by itself, then the PS3 IS for you.

However, if game quality and innovation ranks high on your list, the Wii may be just your type.

Just for info, i bought the Wii when it was released in the US (imported) wheras the PS3 is a gift, soft of -..- I have the PSone, the PS2 and 2 x PSP, but i wasn't tempted by the PS3 at all...

Even now, i enjoy just surfing on the Wii when i'm not in the mood to play games, although i do wish they'd release a keyboard for it soon! Saw a wireless logitech keyboard for the PS3 earlier today going for $200ish >..<

Ok ok... if you want to come over and play games, be my guest. I have 2 controllers for each system and 2 TVs for them. Haha... Just waiting for the price of HD TVs to drop!!!

Sillipore yet again...

2007-07-16T10:53:00.000+08:00

Was reading today's Straits Times and came across this article which talked about a 80 yr old Angsana Tree being cut down.

I don't claim to be a horticulturist or an avid nature lover, what got me fire up was the reason given by LTA (who ironically only recently proclaimed that they will be preserving the aged tree).

It went something like: The tree will be removed because of motorists who were not following the 40 km/h speed limit and risk colliding with the tree.

Like WTH! Shouldn't you be going after those darn motorists? And they didn't relocate the tree. They CUT IT UP. A living testament to our short history on this island. One who had faithfully recycled our air for us for the past 8 decades... Ok enough with the sentimentalism. :p

This is SO Singapore. Ignore the causal factors because its too tough to deal with them. Lets just take the easy way out. This is exactly like the chewing gum issue. Bravo. Maybe they'll pass a law to remove elderly citizens one day because we don't have enough houses, because we don't have enough hospital beds, because we can't make the pedestrian traffic lights blink longer...

Hey don't get me wrong. I do feel that we've got a fantastic government who's really responsible for us all. Or HAD? Hmmm... only time will tell?

HATE being sick

2007-06-23T12:34:00.000+08:00

In case you've been wondering where i've gone running off to again, i didn't. Can't even i had wanted to. Been bed ridden for the past week with a dreadful throat infection that's been giving me recurring high fevers, resulting in one visit to the A&E Dept of NUH and TWO bloodtests for fear of dengue infection. -..-

On the bright side i managed to miss the outfield exercise haha... but at the expense of my poor assistants who are both new to the job and had to fumble their way through with some remote help from me at home...

Oh but i've still got a bad sore throat and i still have some difficulty drinking water, although its no where as bad as before where i had to hold back tears with each gulp... felt like 2 knives cutting down the insides of my throat whenever i swallowed back then >..< *** Update: I managed to attend my promotion ceremony yesterday at MINDEF. Oh for the uninformed, i'm gonna be promoted :) Yes yes i only just got upgraded this Feb, so what? :p Anyway the official promotion's next Feb so its still some way off. Amazing how i got my promotion straight after an upgrade though. ^ ^

During the ceremony, for some reason i started reminiscing the good old days when i was a trainee. Hmmm.... Very strange. Time certainly has flown right by and 30's staring down at me a couple of steps away now. Crazy when you think about it. Me? THIRTY? Gosh... and i'm still in the "i'm 18" mode. -..-

Ok thats all for updates. Hah. No mood laaaaaaa... i AM still sick afterall :D

Bread of Life

2007-05-23T22:50:00.000+08:00

John 6:35

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."

***

My quiet time verse. Does the Transformers song come to mind anyone? "Transformers" *transforming sound* "More than meets the eye". (I think the 2nd time is "Robots in disguise" haha... ok off track).

Points to ponder:

How do you link thirsty to having bread? Doesn't bread make your mouth dry and thirsty usually?

Why did Jesus use bread? Why not some fruit that can both fill our stomach and provide water? It might be interesting to note that Jesus has never said He is water (although Bruce Lee DID say "Be like water my friend" ^ ^). If you think He did, welcome to the club haha... Eh... at least in my NIV He didn't say nor imply la... Please correct me if you know otherwise!

Why do you have to go to be fed, yet only sit there and believe to be quenched? Why the distinction between the two? Which attributes of these 2 entities set them apart to be dealt with differently?

Lets not write off the possibility of God meaning this both figuratively AND literally. Isn't it possible to Him to give us both bread and water in the literal worldly sense? At the same time, can't He provide for our spiritual needs?

What do YOU think? Lets hear some thoughts and grow together :)

*PS: I hope the color coding helps link things back to the verse! ^ ^

Late Night Musings

2007-05-22T02:04:00.000+08:00

On Time Travelling

If someone could go back into the past, he wouldn't be able to change anything.. to us. All he'll do is spawn a parallel possibility and NEVER be able to return to this time and space. A different one brought about by his emergence in the past perhaps. To us he's simply disappeared, never to be seen again.

If someone were to try and travel into the future, he'll cease to exist. Because although the future already exists, for him it won't, cos of his non-existance in between, thus wiping him out during the jump forward into NOTHING.

So is time travel possible? Why not? Although personally i think not. The kind of energy required would most probably suck all life out of this world. The most likely achievement would be to stop time for the "time traveller".. for maybe a second.. ha.. Even if u could travel through time, its not going to make any difference to the rest of us. So why bother?

As to why the future already exists. Sure, its shaped by our decisions that we've yet to make. It seems fluid but its really not. Example: What is my future 5mins later (T+5)? Unknown? i can go sleep or continue blogging. 5mins later whichever choice i made would have happened, thus if u look at T now, T+5 is already known, just not when we were at T. So here i am blogging still. Sure i can argue i could have gone to sleep. But i didn't did i? There is a future where choices have been made n things have happened. Just that it hasn't YET. Don't worry, we still have free will, its not predetermined, we still made the choice despite it feeling otherwise.

Brain twister huh? i kinda think i'm right though.. Haha.. Lalala.. all cos of dat stupid commercial on the upcoming drama.

Why can't we have such creativity?!

2007-05-18T01:01:00.000+08:00

Thanks -J- for the mail. Thought i'd share it with everyone. Really nice advertisements that people have in other parts of the world!

I like this Fedex t-shirt actually... but only works for fatties i think haha... Eh should we buy for ZL, Alvina and Furong? :D

Very, very creative! I like this one!

I think the 3 x heavy weights (see Fedex description above ^ ^) will pose forever if we had this here! Haha...

And of course, my personal favourite... put their photos there! (And tilt the board more... ALOT more~) :D :D :D

I like this quote!

2007-05-09T23:59:00.001+08:00

Some people complain because God puts thorns on roses, while others praise God for putting roses among thorns.

Twist your brain around this!

2007-05-09T23:56:00.001+08:00

My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust? If the whole show was bad and senseless from A to Z, so to speak, why did I, who was supposed to be part of the show, find myself in such a violent reaction against it?... Of course I could have given up my idea of justice by saying it was nothing but a private idea of my own. But if i did that, then my argument against God collapsed too--for the argument depended on saying the world was really unjust, not simply that it did not happen to please my fancies. Thus, in the very act of trying to prove that God did not exist - in other words, that the whole of reality was senseless - I found I was forced to assume that one part of reality - namely my idea of justice - was full of sense. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never have known it was dark. Dark would be without meaning.

C.S. Lewis

I hate to prove this to you but...

2007-05-09T23:41:00.000+08:00

Anything to say? Haha...

God Speaks

2007-05-08T21:00:00.000+08:00

God works FAST. Only yesterday I had responded and today He confirmed what I felt. And it happened in the last place i expected: SAF cookhouse in a rundown camp with wooden buildings.

It started off with this non-uniformed SAF old chap, around 50 yrs of age i'm guessing, sitting down next to me during lunch. We started talking, lamenting about the robotic lives that Singaporeans generally lead, how we cannot afford to take a 3 month break like others are doing in the western world. Then, he started talking about his daughter, how she changed her mind almost half a year into her studies in England, wasted $30k, came back, rejected by the local universities because she had rejected their offer earlier, flew off to Australia, completed a degree in finance, came back, worked for DBS, quit after a couple of months cos "no future", joined some german bank, same thing happened, then joined OCBC, started working as a trader / investment agent of sorts, asked dad for help cos no customers, no network, Dad offered to pray for her, next thing they knew, two of her collegues decided to quit to look after their children, all of a sudden she has TOO many customers, asked her dad how to choose, Dad says lets pray, did that, somehow she landed the big fish, who introduced more big fishes to her, and her first paycheck hit $40k in commission.

*DEEP BREATH*

Got it so far? There's a part 2 and part 3, but i'm not going to bore everyone with that. Basically its how he learnt to put his trust in God, how he gave God His due, and saw God's blessings come flowing back ten-fold. Oh, one incident in particular strikes deep into me. There was one time when the gear shift of his car suddenly went down, making it impossible for him to engage gear 1, and he happened to be so tight that month that he only had enough money to either fix it or give it as tithe as originally intended. After much struggle, he chose to give God what's His. Uh, nope, miracle didn't happen YET. 2 weeks went by with him struggling with the car, and him asking God for help. Happens that that Sunday, he and his friend saw this chap in church who's the kind who's kinda slow, if u catch what i mean, and they offered to pray for him. When they were done with the prayer, that chap suddenly asked if he can pray for him in return, which he agreed of course. And guess what? That chap went: Dear God, please help make Peter's car well. They were shocked, cos to their knowledge that chap couldn't have known about the car! And yes, when they went back to the car, the gear shift was good as new...

I guess it was special cos it made me think back to the days when i used to pray for God to make my faulty PS1 work, or to make that damn pirated CD run... Haha... silly i know, but I really looked to Him for EVERYTHING. When did i start thinking that some things should be solved on my own? That i shouldn't bother God with such trivial nitty gritties?

Just as i was going through that in my head, this dude started saying: God wants us to be like children. Has a child ever doubted that his Father would give him what he promised? Didn't God say He would bless us? Not because of what we do or who we are, but because He wills it?

Wow... All along i only saw one facet of that phrase, that is to be as pure as a child is, innocent and without guile. How could i have missed something so obvious and linked?

This brother may know it, but his sharing today had helped me enormously. All of a sudden the path that i've been seeking all along has opened up before my eyes. Finally i know where place my first step on my trek towards God. All i have to do now is do just that! All these years of wandering, countless trips and falls... I'm not entirely convinced I had learnt all that I'm supposed to. But i know that all that has made me very appreciative of what I've heard today.

***

Hebrew 12

5 My child, don't ignore it when the Lord disciplines ou, and don't be discouraged when he corrects you. 6 For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes those he accepts as his children.

25 See to it that you obey God, the one who is speaking to you.

***

How many more exodux will i embark upon? I don't know, but I certainly hope this is the last. But only if i've learnt the lesson He has prepared for me!

Time to get rid of that black suit

2007-05-07T22:26:00.000+08:00

I'm back!

Applause?

*Cold wind blows*

-..-

ANYWAY... i'm thinking of revamping my blog somewhat, include a few new sections of interest, and make the whole thing more professional. What do you think? I'm just afraid i won't have that much time. Hmmm...

Right. Some explaining to be done?

Hmmm... I realised there were some things in my life that i had to sort out after i came back from Akha. Stuff that were getting out of hand and threatening to take over me. Much like that Venom suit that Spidey had. I took things into my own hands and took a vocation. Then came the 2 months plus that was my Advanced Course for my work...

And then things got complicated when i started dating again. >..<

If you ask me if i'm ready and free from the "suit", i'd say no. Not yet. But i really don't think its right to drag my exodus out any longer. Especially when God has started calling.

So then... here i am. At least back in my dusty lil blog. And then come Sunday i'll be back fully!

Lalala...

iPhone!!!

2007-01-12T00:53:00.000+08:00

Finally found time to post this up... Apple does it again! Total sell out for sure. I WANT it. ARGH.

Ok you got lucky...

2006-12-26T19:36:00.000+08:00

Love Asia

2006-12-26T15:59:00.000+08:00

Out of boredom and perhaps SOMETHING else, i went and got myself the DVD for Love Asia.

Now in case you have no idea what Love Asia is, its a DVD video for the photo shoot of TEN top models in asia. Girls like Maggie Q (Yes Maggie!!! Oh and she's the one who came up with the concept apparently... and she's da producer heh), Lin Chiling!!!, Zhou Qiao Queenie, Mayuko Kawamata, Lee Ka Hye (Kae), Aysha Bashir, Wong Pui Ha Almen, Jacqueline Alblas (Singaporean!!!), Yossavadee Hassadeevichit (Yo) and Grace Tagle.

Due to copyright issues AND the fact that i'm too lazy to search for their pictures to put here, you've to go search for pictures of the less known models heh.

Well, some thoughts after watching the DVD.

I'm impressed by Chiling! She actually speaks proper english and plays the piano! And she's really really soft spoken and shy-like. Really oriental and all. A really refined and cultured girl. No wonder so many guys are falling for her, and not just because of her good looks.

Jac is hot, pretty and sexy, but somehow i'm not attracted to girls like her anymore haha... Finally growing up maybe? ^ ^

Queenie... now thats a babe for you. Her killer smile got me good haha... and i like her views on love. Oh and then there's this thing about sex that she comments on. That sex is maybe not very good in the beginning, then better towards the middle, much much better towards the later part of middle, and then it just starts to go downhill and sucks in the end of a relationship haha...

Well... go get it at TS if you want to watch. OR you could BEG me hahaha...

Just for kicks

2006-12-21T14:58:00.000+08:00

Pretty... Haha...

sexy asian female xxx face beautiful eyes great charisma

Check this out... Windows Vista~

2006-12-20T20:46:00.000+08:00

Hilarious video from The New York Times website haha...

http://video.on.nytimes.com/?fr_story=d14603c1e23e6ce37920a8134a2e27b1405a4991&rf=bm

*coughs* copy cat *

Roads...

2006-12-18T00:53:00.000+08:00

The thing with roads, is that they seem to everywhere. And then when you least expect it, you suddenly can't go anywhere.

If you know what i'm talking about, you must be smarter than i am. Hah.

Someone was talking about mid-life crisis just not too long ago. Hmmm... seems like i've come to a similar stage in life?

Just a couple of years ago I was confident that there wasn't anything i couldn't do. That even if i were to quit the army, i can definitely find something i love doing, and survive doing that. Yet today, posed with the same question, i find myself unable, or unwilling to take that step, into an unknown frontier.

My boss, who's retiring at the end of the year, recently told me that with some hard work, i can probably retire a Lt. Col. Not too bad for a screw up with no degree. Something i'd have scoffed at in the past. Yet now, that possible future doesn't seem so bad anymore.

Why???

Well, I know why. My guiding light, my pillar of fire in darkness is gone. Well, to put it in the right perspective, I had abandoned it. HIM. Then again, not exactly abandoned... but I've chosen to shy away from Him. Much like how Adam and Eve hid from God after they had sinned maybe? I don't know.

Its horrible. Knowing that henceforth every step i take will be without His blessings. No longer can i turn and look to Him for comfort and strength. I'm sorry. Not to Him, not to anyone else, but to myself. Well, ok, i'm sorry to everyone too. Sigh.

Don't ask me what happened. I have no idea how to put into words what transpired. Beyond salvation comes to mind. But i know thats not true. I think i just want some time alone, 40 yrs would be good... Heh.

***

In my office right now, at 1 am. Felt that its about time i explained to ANYONE who cared what happened to me. In a really vague way yes. Anyway, gonna be in the forest on exercise for the next 4 days, so don't bother trying to reach me. Not that i'll answer any calls anyway.

That being said, there are somethings, big things, in my life that i've decided i'll do. Perhaps not the most right thing to do, or the proper time to decide such things. But if nothing changes in the next year or so, i'll do it. And i'll bear the consequences. As if i can choose not to bear the consequences of my actions! Bah...

I've not disappeared or left for good. I'll still be here. I think? But don't expect any replies from me. And someday i'll be back. Heh. Terminator style? When everyone's all grown up, maybe married? Children? O.o" Ok THAT's abit too long to be away. Anyway, till then, do take care of OUR Church ya? Sorry you guys gotta take up my share as well. Heyyyy who knows? Maybe i'll be back next week? Haha...

Lalala... And to YOU. (Whoever thinks is the YOU haha...) Sorry what I had hoped would happen if I didn't screw up didn't happen. -..-

Yawn... Zzz

Video for the day - Far and Away (Naruto)

2006-11-27T01:00:00.000+08:00

Really like the lyrics for this song... SIGH

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreamin you'll be with me
and you'd never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
-----------------------------
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of Hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything,but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreamin you'll be with me
and you'd never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
---------------------------------
So far away
So far away
far away for far too long
So far away
So far away
far away for far too long

But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me,and never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me, never let me go.

Battle of Wits...

2006-11-27T00:40:00.000+08:00

Just came back from watching the movie ALONE. Haha... Sounds pathetic yes i know. But can't be helped i suppose? I really should stop succumbing to pressure and pleasure... just wait it out ya? Maybe just maybe someday I'll get to watch movies with my princess?

Anyway. Good show. Really good. Take away from the movie is a line that went something like: "You (the Mo-family) advocate universal love because you don't know how to choose who to love..." Heh. Sad that when Ge Li (Andy Lau) finally decided to face love, the girl dies just seconds before he finds her. Sigh. Why?

Right vs Wrong. A matter of perspective? Perhaps. Is there a universal standard? Well, with my limited understanding as a Christian, i would say that there isn't a fixed line-by-line rule on what is right and what is wrong. But there is a guideline that our Lord had taught us from his short life on earth. Once you know Him and understand what He tried to show us with His life, you would know too... intinctively actually. Whether you choose to heed it or not is another matter of course.

Don't know what i'm talking about? Go watch the movie AND read the Bible haha...

***

Ok some updates.

1) Cassie is back. No i'm not meeting her every single day. And no i haven't went clubbing with her at all. She DOES have a bf after all and i'm trying to change the type of activities we engage in. Still... managed to spend quite abit -..-

2) I TOTALLY overspent this month. Again. Sigh. My bonus is ALL going into repaying my credit card debts. LONG way to go man. Really... one overseas trip a year is more than enough. And no more heroic acts of chivalry!

3) Blew $700 on a new pair of Oakleys + Transition lenses. Hey, this current pair has been with me for almost 5 years ok? I think the cost's justified ya? Plus the new pair's made of Titanium so MAYBE it won't get HIT out of shape by SOME people this time round...

4) Went Sentosa on Sat for my unit's Family day. Felt so FAT that i didn't dare remove my top to tan. Resulting in a tanned face, neck and arms ONLY. Feels so shitty when i look in the mirror. SO i decided to embark on my own slimming program! Bought some Fat burning lotion which REALLY burns lol... Considering getting Xando slimming pills to try out too hahaha... I'm crazy.

5) My iPod Shuffle (i named it the jPod on my comp!) rocks! No wonder its being sold out everywhere! Really, if you use it with iTunes the possibilities are almost unlimited. I mean, WHY do you want to buy a 80gb mp3 player that duplicates whatever songs you have on your harddisk, bring it out, yet only manage to listen to less than 1gb of songs? For me i created 4 playlists: Christian, Chinese, English and Japanese. So if i feel like listening to Jap songs today, i'll make iTunes shuffle 1gb worth of songs from my Jap playlist into my Shuffle. Or if i have no preference, just shuffle a rojak mix of songs! OR i can just drag 1gb worth of songs myself into the Shuffle. ^ ^ Ok Apple pay up for the advertising ya?

Christmas' coming round the corner! Tell me what you want for Christmas, i MIGHT consider it hahaha...

The song ZL was talking about...

2006-11-14T17:13:00.000+08:00

We Live In Singapura

Sang Nila, Utama
Saw a lion, alamak
Name the village Singapura, then run very far
Years later, ang mor came
Stamford Raffles was his name
Posed for statues very nice, we kenna colonize
(instru)
Singapura very strong
Big guns all, pointing wrong
Japanese, came on bikes, invade us from our backside
War is over, ang mor back
Singaporeans no respect
Commies come, make a fuss, Singapore independance!

CHORUS
I live in Singapura
Itâ€™s not perfect living
But at least itâ€™s interesting
I live in Singapura
Though itâ€™s kind of crazy
We win other country

David Marshall, Lim Yew Hock
National Anthem starts to rock
Yusof Ishak the big man, guess whoâ€™s PM?
Malaysia say, come join me
Two of us be same country
Then not happy, Then make PM cry
PM Lee lead country
Build jurong and HDB
Made the country clean and green, opposition cannot win
JB Jeya no more funds,
Chee Soon Juan wonâ€™t eat his buns
Lim How Doong, what a goon, â€˜Donâ€™t talk cockâ€™ in parliament

CHORUS
I live in Singapura
Itâ€™s not perfect living
But at least itâ€™s interesting
I live in Singapura
Though its kind of crazy
We win other country

Wedding Bells!

2006-10-30T17:19:00.000+08:00

Haha... how do you like the new and improved slim ZL? Of cos its fake... i did the editing for our upcoming play in Thailand for the kids. ^ ^

Oh speaking of which... PLEASE do pray for the mission. I think we need tons of prayers :)

New Blog!

2006-10-28T22:00:00.000+08:00

Hahaha... Not giving up on Blogspot laaa... .Mac has got limited size... Prob gonna find someway to port it over to blogspot once i finish with the template design using iWeb heh... Anyway yea... ^ ^

http://web.mac.com/justustan/

Dream Machine's OUT!!!

2006-10-25T00:15:00.000+08:00

After holding out for a year, its finally here! 2nd Generation Macbook Pro with Core 2 Duo AND dual-layer DVD burner!!! *Drool*

Not that i REALLY need it. Good old 12 Inch Powerbook is still working fine after the last overhaul. Pretty impressive for an almost 4 yr old laptop. No way a Window$ laptop can say the same.

But still... Hmmmmmmmm... Maybe i'll just wait till the new OS releases so i get it free with the laptop instead of having to buy an upgrade later ^ ^ Weee... New gadget... HAPPY... Hahaha...

***

Spent the day at the centre today discussing the details of the Thailand trip. Gosh... tons of stuff yet to be settled. Kinda disorganised really. Sigh... Hope we manage to get everything settled in time. Haha... great time to rely on God!!! Gosh...

Y Z

2006-10-19T21:54:00.000+08:00

Give thanks to God... He gave me something to smile and laugh about...

It all started when some helpless little girl's keyboard suddenly screwed up. Pasted excerpts of it below... removed her nick and stuff... whatever that's without a heading is hers and those with headings are my replies laaa...

***
WHAT IS WRONG WITH MZ KEZBOARD!_

this is quite fun actuallz

mz y and z switched places!

[21:31:58] *Updated 19 Oct* http://just-my-world.blogspot.com says:
hahahahaha...

[21:32:01] *Updated 19 Oct* http://just-my-world.blogspot.com says:
that is hilarious

laugh at mz stupid kezboard

bah

zou think itäs so hilarious huh

phooez

argh

iäll bet zouäre having a mad laughing fit now

[21:34:16] *Updated 19 Oct* http://just-my-world.blogspot.com says:
hahaha zou hahahhahaha...
[21:34:39] *Updated 19 Oct* http://just-my-world.blogspot.com says:
poooooez hahahahaha
[21:34:41] *Updated 19 Oct* http://just-my-world.blogspot.com says:
omg...
[21:34:44] *Updated 19 Oct* http://just-my-world.blogspot.com says:
hahahahha...

I CANT HELP IT OKAZ

bah

[21:35:31] *Updated 19 Oct* http://just-my-world.blogspot.com says:
OKAZ hahahahhahaa...

LOL

stop it!

pszcho

SHIT

[21:36:02] *Updated 19 Oct* http://just-my-world.blogspot.com says:
hahahahhaa

[21:36:11] *Updated 19 Oct* http://just-my-world.blogspot.com says:
pszcho omg!!!

meh

i knew zouäd start laughing at that

***

Did anyone else find it funny? Probably not...? Haha... but i was really laughing out loud throughout the ordeal... ^ ^ Well it turns out her keyboard had switched to the german setting... DUMB... lalalala... :D

Tearing apart...

2006-10-19T20:25:00.000+08:00

A psalm of David

I know the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken for he is right beside me.
No wonder my heart is filled with joy, and my mouth shouts his praises!
My body rests in hope.
For you will not leave my soul among the dead or allow your Holy One to rot in the grave.
You have shown me the way of life, and you will give me wonderful joy in your presence.

***

A prayer of one overwhelmed with trouble, ouring out problems before the Lord

Lord, hear by prayer!
Listen to my plea!
Don't turn away from me in my time of distress.
Bend down your ear and answer me quickly when I call to you,
for my days disappear like smoke, and my bones burn like red-hot coals.
My heart is sick, withered like grass, and I have lost my appetite.
Because of my groaning, I am reduced to skin and bones.
I am like an owl in the desert, like a lonely owl in a far-off wilderness.
I like awake, lonely as a solitary bird on the roof.
My enemies taunt me day after day.
They mock and curse me.
I eat ashes instead of my food.
My tears run down into my drink, because of your anger and wrath.
For you have picked me up and thrown me out.
My life passes as swiftly as the evening shadows.
I am withering like grass.

***

Man... I wish I could return to the state of mind and soul belonging to that of the first psalm... But here I am, stuck in the later. Again. And as i type it out, I find my soul echoing the cries made by the author. Gosh... I could jolly well have written that myself -..-

But then again, I wouldn't have used owl... It feels more like being a rat in the middle of the desert to me... With no where to run nor hide >.< EEEK*

How true it is, that when God isn't with me, life passes in the blink of the eye. Nothing I do makes sense. Nothing I do means anything. Its all for naught. ARGH.

I hate it when I hit the bottom of the cosine?sine? curve... And the lows are seriously getting lower and lasting longer these days. Sins piling up? Not repenting fast enough? Muddling around in the piles of sin too long? MEH.

You know, I learnt during one of the courses that I attended, that in order to teach someone, or to pass on knowledge, a good way is to show the person your progression of thoughts. To speak aloud. In some sense i do that... ALOT... here in my blog... although I do keep it in check sometimes or risk being taken for a lunatic. The way my mind bounces and ricochets from one thought to the other... pretty tough to keep up with if I didn't arrange them SOMEWHAT.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

Yet, in all this crap that I'm in, I'm still secretly (ok not TOO secretly) harbouring the hope of meeting HER still... -..- LQ says perhaps I really don't deserve someone. She could be right. But MEH that HURT. BOO... Is it THAT hard to find a beautiful Christian girl around my age with long hair, a smile on her lips, walks with a bounce TO HER STEPS!!! TO HER STEPS!!! NOT ELSEWHERE!!! -..- You people... *shakes head* Now where was I? Oh yea... Like a beam of living sunshine, tons of love within her, with a secret evil streak when it comes to me... Haha... Now that would be great ya? Lalalala...

O GOD... LET ME WAKE UP :(

Blog or Block?

2006-10-15T02:09:00.000+08:00

Really its not that i don't want to blog more. Sometimes i just sit here and nothing comes to mind. Or when something does, i'm at a loss at how i should put it across. Is this what people call the writer's block? -..-

During the 3 day course that i attended at NIE this week i was put through a series of tests that proved once again that i'm extremely right brained. Not necessarily a good thing. Apparently soldiering isn't in the list of ideal jobs for right brainers... and its proven by the fact that over 90% of the class were lefties >.< No wonder i'm forever clashing with my bosses at work ^ ^;

Anyway, Einstein says he'd developed both his right AND left brain. So shall i! Heh... just for the kick of it. I've got a great great God and nothing's impossible for me cos i'm His creation ya?

***

Ramblings

***

Lord... How often we use this word in our prayers and pleas for help. But do we really treat Him as our Lord? Is it just a term we use but do not really think much about?

***

The temptation is great and weak i am. Save me Lord... Forgive me my sins... forgive me...!!!

***

How do i use all the talents that have been given unto me to benefit thy kingdom? If i'm no good, then please erase me... Ahhh... i do not want to believe that i'm of no use :(

***

I want to write for the world to understand your words. I want to speak that they may be saved. I want to go and bring your light to the ends of the world... That has been and is still my wish... Father i'm sorry for being such a stubborn piece of clay...

***

Save me from this evil that is myself... why is it that i just can't BE? I know that i have to do it with your help. But in the end it is my OWN decision at the MOMENT that decides isn't it? That moment when the angels clash in battle with the evil within me, the moment when my ears fill with your words and that of my desires. I KNOW i can do what's right, but why didn't i? Why must i always live in regret day after day?

***

Come naked before Him in prayer.

Repent.

Surrender thyself.

Go forth not by your own strength but by His and His alone.

***

Begone, o'great evil for I am who i am by His will. Begone for i am no longer my own.

Update 09 Oct '06

2006-10-09T18:12:00.000+08:00

Sorry i haven't been updating in a while. Got lost while searching for the Way lol... Nah... not really laaa, just wasn't inspired to write anything. But i'm taking steps to rectify that.

Ok updates to MY WORLD.

Firstly, i've signed up to go on the Mission to Thailand come November. Just waiting for my Dy Commander to approve my leave application. Pray for me on that ya? Cos i'm not exactly on the best of terms with that !@#$% haha...

Secondly, i'm on course @ NIE till Wednesday. Psychology course hahaha... Making me miss having classes again. Sigh... I'm planning to write to the dude who gave us the session today though. The Head of Psychology in NIE haha... Just to ask about the various avenues available in/out of Singapore for self-paced learning, preferably through the internet.

Oh and guess what, i came up with TWO more ultra feasible and do-able business ideas while going through the session haha... So that makes 3 so far. Pity all aren't really achievable without the first pot of gold to kick start me though. But i'm really confident about all 3 ideas though. Definitely good enough to get anyone's pulse racing when they hear it hehe... BEG ME ^ ^

Thirdly, i wanna start writing for God again! So pray for me that i may be inspired by the Holy Spirit ya? Actually i've been getting sparks here and there for the past few days, but nothing HOT enough to get me going heh.

And how can JUSTUS TAN's update be complete without any mention of the opposite sex? Haha...

I'm still single, BY CHOICE!!! So please don't make it sound like no one wants me >..< I'm still QUITE confident on my ability to attract girls thank you. Its just that I REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want to get into another short-lived relationship ya? Do pray for me that my resolution holds. God knows how many times i've wavered and succumbed to temptation, and i DO NOT want that happening again. Repent and be forgiven, thats what I want. A fresh new start for the new-neW-nEw-New-NeW-NEW Man!!! If the right girl doesn't come along then i'll just remain single, simple as that. Not gonna settle for anything but THE ONE.

Oh right, had wanted to blog about this the other day but forgot about it haha... Lets just assume that there is AT LEAST ONE best choice for everyone. THE ONE. Lets imagine that Person A decided not settle for the 2nd best if not 3rd best. What happens is that the person that A settled for could be someone else's THE ONE, meaning that poor soul would be robbed of his/her best and be forced to settle for someone less than best again, creating a viscious cycle. UNLESS someone decides NOT to settle for 2nd best and makes the stand to remain single rather than give up and marry someone NOT the BEST.

Get it? Of course there may be many people who falls into your own idea of BEST. Depends on your STANDARDs i guess? Haha... But when i think about it, to have someone around the correct age, the correct SEX (Important!!! LOL...), the same religion (assuming all of you are devout Christians like *ahem* i am ^ ^), fits the bill of THE ONE, and last but definitely not least... FALLS FOR US AS WELL... The odds are pretty high aren't they? -..-

***

So there, thats about it. Had wanted to blog about the super super chio ang moh i ran into on the bus and in Toys R' Us earlier, but... hmmm... i AM blogging about it aren't i? Haha... Bleah... ^ ^

The WAY

2006-09-24T00:41:00.000+08:00

Wooo...! Just finished Miyamoto Musashi by Eji Yoshikawa. I've waited like 5 years? to get my hands on the book... always turned away by the cost. But finally, Kinokuniya has done it again with a paperback at only $40 haha...

Miyamoto Musashi... a real life person living in 15th? Century Japan, considered the greatest Swordsman ever, albeit the controversy surrounding him. His Way of the Samurai appeals to me tremendously as i read the book and did some digging on the internet. Here is a man who dared to throw his whole life into the pursuit of something he could only vaguely grasp. A dream?

Only recently i was admonished by someone much younger than me for having my head in the clouds, living in my own fantasy world, ignoring the real world and refusing to acknowledge reality.

I tried but failed to convey my thoughts and feelings across, which probably resulted in alot of misunderstanding. I can't, probably because i'm still seeking...

Of course it would be much simpler and seemingly wiser to just do what others are doing, follow what has been taught and just go along with what the rest of the world is doing. But just like Musashi, i too have come to realise something about my life and of this world that we live in, and i have to find out what exactly it is. How do i explain what i feel? I'm at a loss argh... All i know is that if i do not follow the urgings of my soul in this, i would be giving up my right to exist as an individual and become just another faceless person on this world going through my 70 odd years on this world, taking nothing nor leaving anything behind.

I'm not getting any younger i know. Fast approaching 30 and looking at the progress (can i even say progress???) i've made, even i am on the verge of panicking at times. So long as i'm still on this path that i've chosen, i'll appear unreliable and unstable to the people around me, ie. forget about setting up a family dude. I've always yearned to set up my own family and have my own kids. But i suppose if its not going to happen so be it. Seriously i'm more worried that i'll never attain the Truth that i'm seeking. That i've lost the Way to it.

Jesus said He is the Way and the Truth. Could it be because i've drifted from Him that i'm starting to doubt?

Descartes asked: What can we know for certain? His answer to the question was: I Think, therefore I Am. That we can only be sure of our own existence because we think. And that is what i've been pondering 13 years ago when i was thinking about life and death, about what it means to exist and about the existence of other things. Oh how many times have i wondered if everything else was just my imagination? How many times have i wondered if the other person really existed since there was no way for me to prove that he could actually think, as i did? For all i know i may be conjuring him up in my brain. Just like how everything seems so real in dreams with each character having their own form and personality, able to communicate with yourself.

You know what, i'm just confusing myself and everyone who's reading this. Next thing i know i'm gonna get worried looks and another talk with the pastor -..-

K800i for Sale...

2006-09-20T12:29:00.000+08:00

Great... suddenly the whole army's taking a strong stand against camera phones. Given till 1 Oct to change our phones... Bah... I'm soooooo in love with my K800i!!!!! What the... Anyway, if anyone's willing to buy a import set K800i, one key on the keypad scratched by my nail, the camera cover scratched slightly by the CASE -..-, let me know ya. Prob in the range of $500 if possible... Negotiable i guess. BAH.

Disconnected

2006-09-19T13:45:00.000+08:00

Thats the view from the bed i'm lying on.. Double decker. I feel like i'm so disconnected from everything, everyone else. Its what ppl call loneliness? But i think in my case it goes further than that. Perhaps its simply reached the age where the inner man within yearn for his soul mate? Not just a companion. Someone whose soul connects with your own. Yet looking in the mirror i do not think i'm ready altho i wish i am. In fact i probably deserve to live out my life alone. I've repeated that to myself countless times.. Tried losing myself in my games.. Travelled.. Yet i've only succeeded in making that emptiness in myself more pronounced. The gap that even God can't fill. Or it could be that i'm keeping Him out on purpose. My spirit cries out "i don't want to be alone!" hoping for someone to hear me. To understand me. To kick me telling me to shut up. But i don't envision that happening anytime soon. Where's the power plug? I wish i could pull it out. No resets for me. I don't deserve it. Argh.. Another cloudy day in my world..

台湾旅游记

2006-09-18T19:27:00.000+08:00

不知道如果我真的全用华文把整个旅程的经过写出来的话，会有多少人想把我给杀掉 ^ ^

Anyway... (PHEW!) its really too tiring typing in hanyu pinyin.

First off, i would like to state that the Taiwan trip was NOT a bed of roses as others had led me to believe prior to the trip. Ok it might have been for some, but not me. Basically the only day i wasn't out in the sun with my guys were the 1st day when we arrived, and the last day when everyone was cleaning their weapons and getting ready to leave the place once everything was returned. -..- i was already a lobster on the 3rd day and by the 5th i was darker than Nigel, my Chindian companion. Seriously! We compared our skin tones and he admitted i was darker. DUH.

Breakdown of Boot Camp.

1st Day - Reach, settle admin, go out for recce (1st contact at distance with the 槟榔西施 ^ ^

2nd Day - Supervising training for my Combat Engineers guys. Oh btw, whats wrong with the School? Their drills are a mess. They don't even know the dimensions of certain wire obstacles! Gawd...

3rd Day - Controller for one of the platoons for their Platoon Battle Course. Basically alot of walking (almost cramp... been too long... way too long...), climbing, bashing and shouting.

4th Day - Controller for Urban Ops Training, which is basically fighting in buildings. Machiam Counter Strike, except that bullets and grenades are controlled by the few of us. Imagine 5 guys, 100 people shooting... Alot of unpleasantness cos of little boys complaining "I f***ing shot him a dozen times why isn't he dead? F*** you! You're dead! Stop shooting at us!" -..- Seriously, almost exact words. DUH.

5th to 7th Day - Repeat first 3 days cycle with other group who were doing Navigation Exercise. Basically a swap over. SIGH.

8th to 10th Day - Tagging along for Company Mission. ALOT of walking. Imagine taking a vehicle driving from camp onto the expressway and travelling for like 30mins before dropping off at the START point to make our way back to the training area behind our camp. Its REALLY far...

11th & 12th Day - Ok mistake earlier, i had ONE more day to slack. Cos they took TWO days to settle the admin before we left for our R&R.

13th to 15th Day - R&R!

***

Ok i think you can imagine what it was like for me for the training portion, with the aid of the pics i posted up, so i shall not bore anyone with details.

R&R - Taipei!

Actually, R&R isn't what you think it is either... The first 2 days were controlled. In other words we had a tour guide and were forced to visit amusement parks outside of Taipei, some place dedicated to the Taiwanese war heroes and a Chinese Heritage Museum. Oh we're free at night, however we had to switch hotels every night cos of some admin issue. Which means by the time we get our rooms its around 8pm? And we have to be back in our hotels by 11pm -..- The only really free "day" is the 3rd day of R&R, but then we gotta be back by 4pm to take the bus to the airport and fly back home. DUH.

***

Amusement Parks

We went to 2 amusement parks. The first one i didn't catch the name. The second one was some 六福 place. The first one had a couple of interesting rides. For some unknown reason i didn't take pictures of videos of it hmmm...

Anyway one of the rides is simple, just this 2 rows of seats. Kinda like benches except its individual seating. The thing rotates up, and the seats rotate as well. Pretty exciting especially when you're dangling like 10ft in the air facing the crowd below, held up only by the safety of your seat straps AND descending SUPER SLOWLY at like 1cm per second... Oh did i mention the fountain below us happily spewing water? We stopped and snapped back upright just as we were about to drink from it -..-

Then there was the roller coaster ride. This one i did take a vid of. Basically you roll off, up the tracks to the top and then when everyone's on top in one straight line the coaster stops. THEN the INTERESTING part happens. The WHOLE track breaks off and swings downwards... until it connects with the track that is perpendicular to it. You get to hang there for like an eternity at that 90 degree position and then it suddenly lets go, dropping you into the gaping hole like a 100m below, exploding back unto the surface and going through a few hoops before ending. Oh guess who was in the first seat? ^ ^ The most exciting moment was the hanging portion and the drop i guess. Hehe... Airborne training really helps. In fact, immediately after we got off, we ran all the way up again for a consecutive ride. So happens not many ppl were playing it... I wonder why? :p

The only interesting ride in the other amusement park was this SPEED version of viking. Basically you strap on with your feet dangling in the air, roller coaster style. You speed forward and up the tracks into the air, then reverse in like double the speed, NOT gravity only the machine was driving us back with force, same thing up the other end and back down at triple the speed and up the tracks again which ends with some twists... seriously felt like i was gonna hit the end and fly off. Again in first seat lol... Going backwards was ok, going forward was exhilarating ^ ^

It was fun watching whoever suay enough to be pulled along by me to sit in the first seat grip his safety harness tight whenever the ride starts haha... Can really see veins popping lor... As for me... my hands are always in the air hahaha... ;)

***

Finally our nights. 1st night was Wednesday night, ladies night in Taipei, and we went to this popular joint in town called Luxy. You can google Luxy Taipei to find the official website heh. The girls are JUDE. Friendly, pretty, sexy... Haha... Didn't take any pictures, but there's one video of the dancers on stage. Interesting experience. But NOTHING happened ^ ^ Oh btw i still have half a bottle of Johnny Walker there for half 3 months haha... Cos the table was under my name mahhh...

2nd night we went to the night markets like Ximending and Shilin. So-so la... For some reason i kept wishing Cassie was there. Just know she'd go wild at the sight of so many shops haha... (She IS already talking about our next trip... IF her bf lets her heh)

And the last day... i burst my budget all because of stupid SOGO. Normally when you go overseas you'd avoid shopping centres right? But it so happened that they were just opening when we reached so we loitered around watching the Jap culture store opening... And thought why not? In we went. Ended up buying an Oakley bag, an Oakley pouch, 2 Collectors' Transformers... Gone case lol...

Video's kinda long...

***

There done. R&R not too interesting in my opinion. Maybe cos of the company i was with? Suspect that i would have enjoyed it more with other people... like female people hahaha... Anyway ya... The videos will be added soon, so piece together your own conclusion from the pics, vids and this wordy entry ^ ^

Tidbits while waiting

2006-09-15T14:50:00.000+08:00

No time to do up the pictures yet.. Meanwhile here's me in my Taiwan uniform with a Taiwan tank :)

Justus Returns

2006-09-11T22:52:00.000+08:00

I'm back.. And immediately thrown tons of work even before i've set a single foot in camp! Won't get a chance to either.. Deployed outside till Wed as far as i know for now. Training programme's a mess. Tsk tsk.. They just can't run the army without me can they? Haha.. Anyway, shall upload pictures of my Taiwan trip along with "stories" once i get the chance to actually go home for one night.. For the not as enlightened, yea i'm using my phone to blog as can be seen from the hopeless formatting.. Oh and ya.. Tell me you miss me.. Need some love ;)

Taiwan here i come!

2006-08-24T21:14:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the lack of posts recently folks.. Been tied up at work. Anyway i'm flying off now! Be back in around two and a half weeks :) Don't miss me too much haha..

Live from the Indoor Stadium

2006-08-06T19:04:00.000+08:00

First time attending a English Christian Worship session - Festival of Praise. Heh.. Wonder how it'll be? Its only starting at 7.30 but at 6+ its already THIS packed. Scary..

Why

2006-07-30T01:48:00.000+08:00

Been getting alot of feedback from people who hear about what i've done... So here is a very nice story which i feel is the motivation behind what i did actually... Read it a long time ago in my email i think...

The Original Starfish Story

As an old man walked the beach at dawn,
he noticed a boy ahead of him picking up starfish
and flinging them into the sea.
Finally catching up with the boy,
he asked why he was doing this.
The answer was that the stranded starfish would die
if left until the morning sun.
“But the beach goes on for miles and there are millions
of starfish,” saiid the old man.
“How can your effort make any difference?”
The boy looked at the starfish in his hand and then threw
it safely in the waves.
“It makes a difference to this one,” he said.

***

Perhaps if i were thrown into the same situation again i would have done things differently. Perhaps i won't. Who knows? All i know is that at that point of time, i felt that i couldn't walk away and pretend not to have seen or heard anything. There is a purpose to everything that happens, that i believe. Oh not the destiny crap. How do i explain? Hmmm... Its like you just have to look deeper, not just at what had happened, but deep within ourselves so see how what had happened can bring us closer to the purpose that we were brought into this world for.

Ok that wasn't a terribly good explanation, but i really don't know how to say it any clearer. Some people live their lives like within their own world. Everything that happens just happens. They have a goal in mind and they're bent on achieving it, everything else are just distractions, or even minor disturbances. I'm the exact opposite. I have no goal, no aspiration, save to grope my way forward, towards finding the purpose to my existence. Everything that happens, whether by design or by accident are clues toward that which i seek. And i believe that every action i make will change someone's life somehow, somewhere, sometime. Perhaps and most probably indirectly. I believe that each individual can make a difference to the world we live in. And despite not having the power to do greater things, i will not hesitate to use whatever resources i have to help whoever needs it... should our paths cross.

Hey don't think i'm some gullible goody two shoes. If you really know me, you'll know that its not easy for me to trust or believe in anyone. I kinda believe that everyone has a hidden agenda somewhere... except me that is haha... Maybe... Hmmm... Anyway, yeah... its not THAT easy to qualify for my help. Its something close to what we Chinese call Fate maybe? Heh. If only the words Fate and Destiny aren't so entwined with the superstitious mumbo jumbo, i'd use these terms all the time.

Well, i certainly don't expect anyone to understand why i did what i did from this entry. But... it might bring you closer to knowing me ^ ^

Bo Yong

2006-07-24T02:45:00.000+08:00

He's a boy btw.. Refuses to get a haircut tho. Cute isn't he?

Dark Side of Life in Philippines

2006-07-24T02:20:00.000+08:00

Guess what, i have no idea how i should start this. So i think i shall just go with the flow ya?

I went to a bar in Angeles City. Ok before people start flying out of their seats and fingers start pointing, i must clarify that i went there strictly to see how it is like really. I mean since i had gone to THOSE bars in Thailand with Cassie the last time round, i wanted to see how bars were like here. With Thailand, you kinda expect whatever your mind's thinking of right now. But with Philippines, which isn't exactly known for that kind of trade, it was a whole different "experience".

*** Initial Encounter ***

The first bar i stepped into, i wanted to step out of as quickly as i could. There were dancers on stage, much like in Thailand, and they reminded me all too much of Thailand... -..-

Shaken, i was about to write off the local scene as another little-Thailand when i decided to just give the place another shot. (Oh btw, yes its we, but i decided to just stick to "i" since some of the guys weren't there for the same purpose as myself. But yea, i got to call the shots whether we stayed or left... most of the time... Anyway they aren't important :p)

Now this place was abit different. Almost same setup, but alot less intimidating. The dancers are more covered up and the waitresses looked like waitresses... in hot outfits, ie. short short skirts (ooops... my fetish haha...)

As usual we, *ahem* i attracted the attention of the resident mamasan the moment i entered. Hardly surprising, since the usual customer averages around 50 years of age ^ ^; The waitresses naturally gravitated over and soon a nice little crowd had gathered around. There were usual requests for "Lady's drinks" which cost 150 pesos (exchange rate $1 to 32 pesos, go do your math hehe), which i complied with.

The mamasan was a 40 year old woman who somehow reminded me of my own mum hahaha... Oops?! But at 40 she looked older than my 54 yr old mum. Hmmm... does she look old or does my mum look young. I think both? I've got evergreen parents ^ ^

Anyway the mamasan was really friendly and was open with the questions i posed, often offering more information without prompting. So there i was chatting and gathering information while my "shadows" were doing whatever fancied them at the moment.

*** Life of a Night Crawler ***

The girls, it seems, get commission from the drinks that are offered to them. Something like 50 pesos for each drink they get. Not too sure if the mamasan gets a cut out of this. This may sound not too bad, but from what i see, most of the people there hardly ever gets them drinks. Oh maybe for the girl that catches their eye, but no one else usually. The dancers come down to do their rounds offering "tequila shots" for commission similarly, but we didn't stay long enough for that to happen.

Now the horrible part. If a customer fancies one of the girls, be it a dancer or one of the waitresses, he can offer to take her out by paying what is called a "barfine" to the mamasan in charge. This money kinda covers whatever the girl could have earned had she stayed on working (which i kinda doubt) and allows her to knock off early and keep the customer company for whatever activities he may have in mind. What i gathered is that usually the younger customers (younger here means below 50 yrs of age haha...) would bring the girl out to the various bars (what is known as barhopping) drink/dance the night away, before finally retiring to their lodgings WITH the girl. Oh the girl can refuse to of cos, or she could go and refuse to do that thing which is on your minds right now. But i think most of them wouldn't refuse, since if u made the customer happy, you get to keep all of whatever tip he decides to give you the next day when you leave. And do you know how much is the barfine? A measly 1200 pesos, half of which goes to the mamasan and half to the girl. 600 pesos... can you imagine? Its horrible. And i hear some customers may not even tip, claiming to be disatisfied? Or be really stingry with their tip?

Hearing this information made me look around at the girls around the bar, smiling and milling about, trying to make a living. How can they take it? Being Catholics (most if not all of them still proclaim themselves to be Catholics) how are they able to come to terms with what they do? Now i hope the righteous lot of you won't start jumping and belittling them. I'm glad i didn't.

*** Rhea ***

Somewhere somehow sometime during the conversation one of the waitresses (otherwise known as the bargirl in the local scene) caught my eye. Now don't get me wrong. Its not for THAT reason that had just crossed your mind again. I'm a great mind reader aren't i? Haha...

Remember easily a dozen girls had gathered around and drinks were bought for them? Well all of them continued casting their charms on my hapless crew and myself, hoping for a fine catch that night. All except this one girl who didn't join in asking for drinks, stayed in the background, yet always just hovering at the edge and *ahem* casting shy glances at me haha... She's also the one that went and brought the drinks over, 2 at a time... after many trips. Oh by the way, by drinks, i had Ice Tea, the girls had non-alcoholic drinks like gatorade, chocolate milk, strawberry milk, ice tea... the occassional beer. Its definitely unlike Thailand where it was beer or nothing.

Mmm yea back to the girl. Well, i noticed her noticing me and for some reason i decided to call her over. Well basically i asked the mamasan who's the girl there, she looks like a girl i used to like. Lame i know... but it was the only excuse i could think of, which i knew would have the same effect of getting her over, rather than saying i want that girl over and implying that i fancied her for some "other" reasons. Hmmm... whatever.

It was a relief to have her over cos that meant the girl who had wedged herself into my seat with me as well as that girl who jumped me and was happily sitting on my lap had to give way to the "Chosen one" haha... Anyway, gosh, she was a shy one. One look and you wonder what in the world is a girl like her doing working as a bargirl. Well, the mamasan filled me in, telling me she's only started work for a month and that she's a TEACHER! I was like what the? It seems that in Philippines you need to sit for some Teacher's Review after you get your degree, which would determine if you became a teacher or not. The mamasan herself had almost become a teacher herself, but she didn't even make it for the review having failed the tests before that thrice. -..-

So then... hmmm... the girls were surprisingly unselfish after i had indicated my "interest" in the shy girl and kept pushing her to me despite her feeble protests. Eventually she landed up on my lap too, which was kind of nice actually hahaha... Hey, the previous one treated me like I-Gallop for goodness' sake... -..- At leas this one's docile and i don't know why but despite being shy, she held on to my hand fiercely... Everyone commented that we looked alike. My fellow Singaporeans quipped "fu qi xiang" -..- She had the same moles as me on our face i guess? And similar eyes. Oh right, description of her looks? Innocent. Shy. Cute. I wouldn't say she's a babe. But somehow something about her makes me decide that she looks nice? How do i explain it? Its like LQ laaa, her niceness enhances her entire person doesn't it? Its the same with the girl. Haha... comparing LQ with a bargirl. Don't kill me :p Seriously though... same aura about her? But very different lives of course...

Ok enter Rhea. The 21 yr old graduate with a degree in Secondary School Education, ie. she'll become a teacher in secondary schools once she passes the review. Rhea Mae Real. Yea her surname's really Real... -..- Hey it isn't everyday i get to make a pun~

Its pronounced Ray-Ya. It seems that her uncle brought her out of the provinces to work here in the bar, together with 7 other cousins, with her 2 younger sisters joining up the next week. And get this, they're only 16 and 17 years old respectively. I was shocked. On my query of why they aren't studying, she turned to look at me with a sad smile and an even sadder look in her eyes and told me simply "We have no money." Herself, she had been what she calls a "Working Student" in order to complete her education. I tried asking her what it means to be a Working Student, but she didn't want to talk about it. Hmmm must have been terrible from the response i got from her. Over our conversation, i gathered that her uncle (father's cousin) helped bring them from the rural provinces to this place to work in return for a sum of money for the family. Which in my opinion is much like selling them off? She wants to be a teacher, but has no money to go for the review, and her family unable to support in anyway. Seems that the same problem's here as other places. The poor people have no family planning and have tons of kids. Probably lack of contraceptives? I don't know.

We talked about a bunch of stuff and i was starting to really enjoy her company when the mamasan nudged me and asked if i'd like to barfine her, while the girls around were giggling away. Erm... barfine her? Hesitate. Turned and looked at her. She turned away (does that everytime i try to get a good look at her... -..- like i said, shy...) but her grip on my arm was stronger than ever. So i did.

Ok now everybody lets jump to the beat. Bleah.

You should have seen how happy she was. I think she was really glad for any chance to get out of there and escape any chance of being barfined by some disgusting dude. She was barfined ONCE so far in the month that she had worked there... by a black dude she said, with a grimace. Argh. Plus, i think she knew i wasn't up to know good haha... Seriously i wasn't >.<

Off she went to change out of her work clothes (although i wouldn't have minded one bit had she stayed in that outfit hahaha...) while i continued my conversation with the mamasan. Just some random stuff, like how she knows this Japanese businessman, supposedly the President of the Yokohama group or something like that, although i have my doubts, who had promised to help sponsor her daughter for further studies, after which he promised to have her work for him in a proper office and not in the same industry as her mum. Part of the deal, i gathered, was that the daughter would become that dude's woman. The mamasan slyly told me "Of course its also because my daughter is a cherry girl." Huh? Cherry girl? "You know... no first time yet... " Wink wink with a poke in my ribs... Oh... that... -..- Seeing how much hope she had in this promise, i decided to keep quiet about my speculations and doubts.

My "date" for the night reappeared shortly and i was dumbstruck. I had expected some hot outfit or another. But there before me was a decent girl dressed in jeans and a MICKEY MOUSE t-shirt. -..- I looked at her and laughed "Mickey mouse?" Which made her blush and turn away yet again... Haha...

Oh yes, again i left out some info... The bars there open at around 2pm all the way till 3am mostly. Some open earlier, some close later. So when we left, it was still pretty early at night. I was famished and it was dinner... followed by...

Hmmmm.... What do you think?

I sent her home -..- Plus i wanted to grab the chance to see how the living condition's like. The weird thing was, although they "belong" to the mamasan, she doesn't provide lodgings. The girls have to find their own place to stay and pay through their own pockets. Much later, i found out that they regain their freedom by paying what is known as a Steady Barfine of 24000 pesos. Well, they could TRY to save up that amount or pray some silly guy comes along and helps them out. But many of the girls who are freed by their "boyfriends" eventually get dumped and end up going back to the bars. There was this really pretty girl in the bar, Christine, who had a Korean boyfriend who visits every few months, but returned to the bar after a big fight with him, needing the money to take care of her toddler son. She looks what, 19? Last heard her boyfriend will be redeeming her again the next month... hope he does...

Anyway ya, i visited Rhea's home. A 5000 pesos a month place that belongs to her cousin who has retired from the bar scene, currently surviving on money from some black dude in america, has a son by some Korean dude, and has 5 other local boyfriends who always come over for some fun and laughter -..- Rhea wasn't too happy having to live there with her 2 younger sisters and always sleeps with their room locked. Oh her nephew was CUTE... He really looks Korean with those eyes of his. I'll upload his pictures maybe... Bo-Yong's his name. I call him monkey... Haha... On my subsequent visit i brought chocolates that i had bought at the airport for myself for them. They were shaped like bird eggs? And this monkey picked up one, tried knocking it on the table and eventually tried knocking it against his forehead as well. It was hilarious and all of us almost died from laughing at him haha...

Well, eventually i took her out every night that we spent in town, with the weather and all prohibiting the "expedition". She starts work at 6pm, so i'd meet her at her house in the afternoons and go with her to the bar at 6 just to pay the barfine and whisk her off again. She sings everytime the song bug bites her and she has a really really good voice! Found out that she's part of the chior in Church -..- She was active in Theatre as well as Singing in school and had performed quite a few times it seems. She even won some duet competition. Saw the cert haha... Impressive.

We went grocery shopping and i helped stock up their fridge with food. She cooked for me and i had several meals there. Simple meals with just one dish. Usually either just fried fish, or chicken or some pork stew thingy, with rice. Simple fare. I felt so at ease there and preferred the simple comforts of her home to the hotel and the bars that littered the streets leading up to it. I even learnt a few simple words in Tagalog haha...

*** Confession ***

Yes its not conclusion, its confession. Well in a way its conclusion laaa... but yea. I tried to share this in person, but i couldn't. And i'm not too sure you should let my mum know about this either. Hmmm... Wonder if my sis reads this? She's a broadcasting station at home -..-

Its NOT what you think it is. >..<

I bought her freedom thats all. On my last day there, on Friday, i went and got her out of the place for good. She was crying, all her friends in the bar were hugging her and crying. Others were shooting her looks of envy. The mamasan was telling her how lucky she was having only worked there for a month... A record it seems. It was all very touching.

I felt pretty good, yet at the same time helpless? Cos although she's out, her sisters are starting work -..- And things weren't as simple too. Now that she's earned her freedom, she won't be working anymore. At least not until her teacher's review thingy in August, which hopefully she passes... So i decided to not do a half-assed job. I decided to support her financially until she gains independence.

I'm not sure if you understand the implications. Well i didn't really think about it until it hit me in the face. Her irritating boy-crazy cousin asked "So when you going to marry her?"

Imagine something like a fridge landing on my head. -..-

I squirmed out of the question while not outright saying it won't happen. It might not be the smartest thing to do, but i think she was hoping too... and i couldn't bring myself to dash her hopes? Argh... probably a bad move. Chinese saying "Short-term pain is better than long-term pain?" But i just wanted her to stay happy for as long as she could? She was so happy that day... Argh...

Anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy... The whole bunch of them sent me off at the airport that day. She cried although she tried to hide it from me. I made a promise to go back again soon as i can. Which i will probably end-december. My only other free time i think. Looking at things gonna be packed all the way till then, not even able to go for Church camp.

So there... Thats it. My misadventures in Philippines. Crazy and totally expected of me -..- PLEASE try to be encouraging... i'm down enough as it is right now... thinking about the future and all. Bah...

Philippines Trip

2006-07-24T00:04:00.000+08:00

I'm back! Well actually i've already touched down yesterday... *looks at clock* err... the day before at around 8pm. I was simply too tired (flew for 3 hours!!!) and uninspired to blog i guess?

It was an interesting trip to Angeles City, Philippines. An EXPENSIVE trip in the end. Totally blew my budget out of the water. Which means i'm gonna have to scrimp and save (like i will...) to pay back all the credit card debts that i had incurred during my trip there.

I suppose for this post i'm just gonna put up some pictures of the places i visited there with short descriptions. No photos of the trek in Baguio sadly. It was raining on and off and i really didn't want my new phone to catch a flu ^ ^ But the main dish will be in the NEXT blog, that will be wordy, but more to the heart for me. So watch for it! Hehe...

Ok on with the photos.

A view of heaven?

Town area in Balibago, outside of the red light district / poorer districts.

Shopping Centre

Catholic Church - Holy Angels, on Sunday. Its like a mini fair with tons of peopl selling stuff there. Usually religious items like the cathoic garlands and rosaries and stuff. I don't know the terms. A bunch of child beggars were there too.

My first lunch at a local eatery near my hotel... Love the glass bottles. Oh and thats fried rice i was having haha...

This is the main road from that runs through the redlight district. Over here are the grocery stalls, eateries and marts, further up will be a congestion of bars. I didn't take any pictures of the girls outside the bars though. Really -..-

Cinema in newly opened mall, not unlike that which you find in Singapore. The nice thing about the cinemas here is: Free seating, except there's this distinction between normal seats and balcony seats. Normal's about $2 and balcony's about $3? And get this, you can sit there all day if you want. When we went, the show was already a quater way through. But we just remained there for the next screening which was just around 5 mins after the last show. Cool huh? Oh and this hall's HUGE. Perfect for Charis Angeles Church don't you think? :p

Ok thats all for now... more pictures in flickr as usual. Haven't found time to label the pictures properly yet too. Didn't really find too many things i want to take pictures of mehhh...

Up up and away!

2006-07-14T04:12:00.000+08:00

Sitting at the Budget Terminal waiting for it to open. -..- Seems that it isn't exactly operating round the clock. So here i am sitting at Hans waiting for the counters to open so i can get my air tickets. Hmmm..

Parting gift...

2006-07-13T21:53:00.000+08:00

Check this out... its AMAZING >.<

Leave of Absence

2006-07-13T12:25:00.000+08:00

Ok in less than 24hrs i'll be flying off to Philippines for a short getaway haha... But plans are abit screwey right now thanks to the crazy storm that hit the EXACT place where my friends and i had wanted to go hiking/mountain climbing... The place's flooded right now, which wouldn't have really affected our "mountain" climbing if not for the fact that there are also landslides all over the place -..-

So it seems like we'll be stuck in the city for the first few days and hope that by the 3rd day morning the weather would be good enough for us to stick our necks out. Mehh... I can already IMAGINE what the programme would be like for the first 2 days... >.<

Well, no worries, i won't be bringing any filipino wife back hahahaha... :p So i guess i'll see everyone in 6 days time.

Oh wait... i'll be bringing my laptop along, so maybe it won't really seem like i'm away afterall haha... Be putting up pictures if i can find any decent things to take lol...

Ciaoz

Arise!

2006-07-12T12:34:00.000+08:00

Its been quite a LONG LONG while since i visited the notorious (yea thats what she is now, NOTORIOUS) Xiaxue's blog. And frankly, i wish i hadn't been THAT bored. Check out her latest entry on 6th July if you REALLY want to know what made me throw up. Not recommended though.

I think its even worse when i check the comments and i see people actually cheering her on. I mean c'mon, its one thing to have a personality of your own, but quite another to be downright offensive and have utterly no respect for anyone else but yourself. And you people should know that. I ain't sure what's your motive for goading her on, but i'm pretty sure its not for her good.

Oh and for the record, calling someone a bastard is not just an insult to the person, but his parents as well. Its not something anyone should be using at all.

Such a irresponsible person to be the "Face" of Singapore Bloggers, a disgrace. Sure, some people out there who think themselves one with the "Western" culture may think nothing of it. But i think the truly civilised would not. Its like that "Iggy" Column on newspapers and magazines. Having that 20 year old sex-crazed girl blatantly tearing down what decency we have left and inciting youths to carelessly explore sex with her arguments and theories is so -..-

***

How do you talk to people like this who are infused with this maniac self-righteousness? How do you tell them that they are wrong, and come one day they will regret all that they have said and done? How do you attempt to save such people from eternal condemnation and in turn perhaps save their "followers"?

There too are people similar to them in my life. They seek to justify who they have become by convincing the world that they are right. By turning others into their clones. But perhaps its just that no one has heard their silent cries for help? That perhaps behind their impenetratable walls they really wish to get out?

These 2 people served to remind me what our world has become today. That even in our little haven that is Singapore we are not safe from the corruption that has consumed the world and the people. But i'm glad that there too are people like Rick Warren who are here to push back the tide. All is not lost, if we will just tear our eyes away from ourselves and see our true role in life. What do you see yourself as in school, at work, at home, in the Church? There is a part that God wants us to play don't you know that? Do you see it now?

***

God, please grant us the wisdom to help the people around us so that they may find their way to you. Let us be the light that chases away the darkness that has engulfed our world today. Give us the strength to overthrow the false ones with their false promises and false teachings. Be with us as we walk your path with our cross upon our shoulders.

Arise, Children of God. Arise!

Superman Lives!

2006-07-12T09:36:00.000+08:00

Back at work... boohoo... I can't decide which is worse... Flu? Or Work? -..-

Anyway counting down to my departure for Philippines. Just 2 more days to go heh... Kinda apprehensive though, what with the Mumbai bombing yesterday and all. The place i'll be bunking at is FILLED with Americans. Yikes. >.<

So yea... I wonder what God has in store for me?

YOU, YOU , YOU... Better pray for me if you want me back heh.

Superman Lives... For now...

Pic of the day

2006-07-10T18:47:00.000+08:00

Hunk coming! :) Looks of anticipation..

S for Sick

2006-07-09T23:37:00.000+08:00

Guess what, i wore my blue T-shirt with the Superman sign on it down to Church today... with a bad case of influenza... Duh... Everyone was like "Superman will sick one meh?" >.<

I HATE FLU.

Its like the worst illness to be down with. There's simply no effective cure for it, u feel terrible, eyes swollen, watery, nose running non-stop, sneezing your nose off, can't sleep cos its stuck, body aches and feels devoid of strength... Grrr...

But i feel secure in His domain. Knowing this will eventually pass. Nothing that befalls me in this world is too great for me AND Him to handle, together. Not just in times of sickness, but in all misfortunes big or small.

Still.

I HATE FLU.

-..-

Charis Cooking Meet

2006-07-08T23:15:00.000+08:00

What a day! Had fun setting up and preparing for the meet. Too bad weren't allowed to cook on the spot though. But overall fun, despite going down with a flu, slight fever and sore throat hehe... Ok i'm sure you can tell i'm not really talking sense. So lets have the pictures do the 1000 words thingy :)

Green Team hard at work planning to battle it out during the meet... (But they still lost... by a slight margin ^ ^)

The Ultimate Los...Ahem...Warriors ^ ^

This is what happens when females see our Fa...Ahem...Hunks :)

Anyone else notice that someone seems to be getting abit of the tummy? Hahahaha...

Looks nice, tastes batter :D

The queue tells it all~

For more pictures, go to my Flickr and check em out... For more details, come join us at our next meet! ;)

Church Building

2006-07-07T02:55:00.000+08:00

Although i'm always snubbing CL whenever she goes into her "Rick Warren says..." rant, i'm actually envious that she got to attend the Purpose Driven Church Convention that's being held this week. Heck, i didn't even know about the event until today. Bleah.

Its not that i'm against Rick Warren, i'm actually very partial to him, its just that i get worried whenever anyone idolises someone, no matter how great. I've not read many of his books, but from what i've read, 99% of the time i find myself agreeing with him, while at the same time pleasantly surprised that that i'm not alone in some of my thoughts and theories. Here is someone who had gone and done it!

There, i hope that clears up my anti-RW image heh.

***

You know, i had always thought about how one should go about building a Church. But i realise i've always been going about it in the Perfect-case scenario. Start off with a team of dedicated Christians who have the same vision, attract people who become imbued with that same fervent, even fanatic passion for Christ, spread the fire...

But the real world isn't like that. In the first place i'm not the perfect Christian Leader i envision myself to be one day... Far from it in fact. But i do go into that God-Please-Use-Me frenzy now and then, so i suppose i'm not THAT hopeless ^ ^

Yet... given the choice, i would still want to have that perfect scenario. Oh i don't expect to have that dedicated team drop out of the sky. I'll have to find them and pass the fervor unto them. Much like how i've been spreading the Mac/PSP cult mentality to those i come into contact with haha... Good training i suppose? It started off with only me having a PSP in my workplace. Today there are easily half a dozen of us, including my direct superior, and we're mostly hooked on the same multiplayer game, Monster Hunter namely. And now i've gotten XY and LQ onto the Mac platform, with JJ, Char and Mel in my target sights haha... Nuts. Mmmm... but i digress.

Truth be told, i want to build my own Church one day. If God ever calls me to. If i ever finish learning the lessons given to me, being the slow learner that i am... I do believe that the Army has been a good learning environment for me. I've seen and heard and gone through alot in the organisation. All i've to do is to digest all that data and transform it into useful information for my future use. In particular i think i've learnt alot about people and what drives them. Leadership. Respect. Responsibilities. Gritting one's teeth through tough patches...

So there, any volunteers for the team that i'm gonna need? People who dare to dream for the Church. Crazy but not impossible dreams. And be willing to slog it out of course. Oh, and its a 24hrs a day, 7 days a week job :)

"Church growth is a byproduct of the Church introducing more souls into Eternity. Our Vision is not to increase Church membership, but to have everyone around us gain entry into Heaven together with us." - Justus 2006 ^ ^

Pray for the strong...

2006-07-07T02:14:00.000+08:00

Just felt like blogging this in response to a conversation that transpired earlier.

LET US PRAY MORE OFTEN FOR OUR DEAR PASTOR CHUA.

Its the same phenomenon everywhere. Leaders who appear infallible are neglected in their needs all the time. Let us not forget that they too are humans. They too have their times of weakness. Reach out with our hearts and hear their muted cries for help!

I can understand the feeling. When you have no one to turn to. When you cannot afford to show any signs of weakness yet desperately wish for someone to cling to.

In our war for the spirits of those whom we love (and mayhaps those too that we do not love as much), spare a moment and give thanks for our leaders who lead the way ahead, they who are given the vision. Pray for them, that they do not falter in their steps.

Who is this??

2006-07-07T02:01:00.000+08:00

Hmmm looks familiar doesn't he? ;) I'm SO hooked on this mobile blogging thing haha..

Gadgetman

2006-07-06T14:39:00.000+08:00

My 3 Entertainment gadgets. Ha.. Couldn't include the newest addition in since its the photographer so go watch the clip ;)

Me and da tube...

2006-07-05T23:28:00.000+08:00

Hahaha... i'm bored so...

Oh and turn the volume down ya... I really should have written a script beforehand >.<

Testing new phone! ;)

2006-07-04T23:39:00.000+08:00

First few to get the K800i that i blogged about a while ago hehe.. Testing out the photo blog thing now hope it works haha

Its a bird... its a plane... no... its Superman!

2006-07-01T17:36:00.000+08:00

Ratings: 8/10

The story's dubious and choppy, but watchable. The cast rocks. Lois Lane in particular is exactly how i'd have envisioned her. MUCH better than the original haha... Superman however... tries too hard to be Christopher Reeves. He definitely looks good enough to be Superman. But he should have tried being himself. His own Superman. And not imitate Reeves. Especially whenever he is Clark Kent. All the lip pursing and nerdy mannerisms are rip offs from Reeves. Plus he couldn't do it as well.

Still, this movie brings back memories. AND the reason why i've always wanted to wear specs hahaha... I loved imagining that i'd grow up to be Superman... Be that insignificant nerd who secretly is really all powerful and saves ur arse. Heh... Memories...

Yeap, i'd still watch the movie again. Right now i'm waiting for the collector's boxset to come out. Prob with the previous 3 installments as well.

- In Memory of the ORIGINAL Superman... Christopher Reeves -

HAHAHA

2006-06-17T20:25:00.000+08:00

***

I'm a Laughing man fan! Hahaha... Oh if you don't know what this is all about, watch Ghost in the Shell 1st Gig ^ ^

When do you realise...

2006-06-15T23:49:00.000+08:00

That you've been going Sakae too often...

When everyone working there recognises you and can predict what you're going to order.

When you notice the waitresses trying to hide a smile when delivering your order.

When you over hear whispers and giggles about the guy who's here alone again.

When you catch the waitresses' barely controlled smiles as they say Please come again!

When you realise you have enough receipts for 2 more Sakae VIP cards...

Simple things in LIFE

2006-06-15T23:34:00.000+08:00

Very interesting mail courtesy of Char ^ ^

Time to fix on my shelf...

2006-06-15T22:23:00.000+08:00

My ex-collegue's getting married... to another collegue's daughter. He's like 2 years older than me? Which is already like er... kinda old already? -..- Suddenly the idea of getting married late isn't that appealing anymore. I don't find myself having the drive i had a few years back... the dating drive that is. Girls out there just don't appeal anymore. At least not intellectually.

Sometimes i wonder if it would have been better if i had just let myself go and gotten married to ONE of those ex-girlfriends of mine. I'm pretty sure it would have happened if i had not been so adamant about my principles or my beliefs. If i had just ignored the Holy Spirit's mournful cry and constant tugging of my heart...

Ironically I've reached a stage whereby common girls don't intrigue me anymore. Just being happy together when we're dating isn't what's important anymore. I think i need to find a female philosopher hah. I look around and i'm just not interested in anyone. Oops... i hope none of the hopefuls are reading this haha... Bleah my arse they exist.

Yet... There is this ONE girl who's so off the charts and so not what my "Dream" girl should be like who always pops into my mind when i'm on the verge of giving up. Maybe its cos she's so off-limits? She's like the only person i'm unable to figure out. A mystery always. And i can't for the life of me remember her face >.< Shrouded in mystique? Bah... i'm just being desperate... Anyway it'll pass once she gets married and becomes the tai tai she had always wanted (or claim to want...).

Oh and i asked her be my partner for my friend's wedding at Radin Mas Community Centre ^ ^ Yea its a muslim wedding. Its a tentative green light. But knowing her, i'm getting myself ready for an E-brake anytime... heh...

Lalala... I won't be hitched to a godless soul so quit worrying la... How far from God are agnostics? Probably just next door? Perhaps God will knock if i ask... daily...

Bleah... perhaps i should just keep my feet planted to the ground and concentrate on the tasks He has for me~

New Age Woman...

2006-06-09T22:05:00.000+08:00

Been watching Ghost in the Shell recently on Youtube and was totally mesmerised by the lead character in the story, the "Major". She's a hot HOT babe on the outside but all steel inside, and i mean it literally as well haha...

There's this male subordinate of hers who's obviously smitten by her, yet at the same time... intimidated? Probably why he never did openly make any moves on her. I was just thinking about it. If i were to know such a woman in real life, someone whom i admire, a high achiever, and comparatively i'm just a normal or even low achiever by this society's standards, how would i feel?

Hmmm... I think it'll be hard making the first move, and i probably never will... just like that guy in the show haha... She has to make the first move i guess. And having done that, there won't be any "problems" anymore so to speak. I mean, once i know she loves me, it doesn't matter that she's my boss or anything. Even if i know the number of "successful" people she has to come in contact with, all of whom will definitely try to gain her attention, i think i'll still be fine? She can be whatever she wants outside, but when we're spending time together, so long as she's my girl, it'll be cool.

I guess the only problem is, most successful women bring their authority in the workplace back home... Serves us right for not being high achievers ourselves huh? Haha... *Shrug* Whatever... I'm NOT about to change the life i've decided on just so i can be with a girl who won't look up to me just cos i ain't a high flyer. ^ ^

Are you a fool?

2006-06-04T14:29:00.000+08:00

Psalm 14:1

Only fools say in their hearts, "There is no God." They are corrupt, and their actions are evil; no one does good! (NLT)

Been reading "Ten Great Works of Philosophy" for the past month or so. Slowest going book for me, EVER. Probably cause i find myself pausing every few sentenses to contemplate and digest what i've just read? Some of the stuff are really deep and meaningful, its amazing how alike we are even with two milleniums between us. Mankind has been searching for a meaning to life ever since its beginning, and will continue doing so until they finally come before God.

Socrates believed that there are 2 possible endings to a man's life.
1) That death is a state nothingness and utter unconsciousness
2) Death is a migration of one's soul from one plane of existence into another

The first can be likened to that of a sleep without dreams, which is to say that eternity would then be just a single night. This is death without God. No heaven, no other life. We exit this world into nothingness. There is no judgement waiting for us, no penalty for those who had committed great evil in their lives and gotten away with it.

Then there is The Ontological Proof of St Anselm. His argument for the existence of God is that, in order to say "There is no God", one must have had an understanding and definition of what God is, that is "That thing than which nothing greater can be conceived". And having this understanding, it would mean that the person would have acknowledged the existence of God already.

Its ok if you can't bend your brain round this paragraph... took me quite awhile to sort out the twists and turns within it. Add to the fact that i probably didn't explain it as well as St Anselm did, but his argument was written in Thees and Thous... Didn't think would have helped you either haha...

Now do you understand the verse i had typed out in the beginning? A fool who contracdicts himself. Corrupt and evil believing there
is no final judgement...

This is like the tip of the iceberg of what i've read and am digesting la... Haven't really had the time to think through everything and present my thoughts in a easier meal. Oh well... Go read it yourself haha...

Karate kid

2006-06-03T10:04:00.000+08:00

Woohoo! I kicked open a door today! Haha... Some dude in camp locked himself out of a room with the ONLY keys inside. We tried pushing the door hoping the lock would give way, but it didn't. So i took 2 steps back and kicked it open. Hardly felt any resistance ^ ^

Hmm... a sudden explosive force is exponentially more powerful than a force that gradually builds up.

Man it felt good. Isn't everyday you get to break down a door haha... Oh the whole door hinge flew off though... Now it can't close :D

What defines us?

2006-06-03T09:32:00.000+08:00

Had actually sent a mobile post last night while doing duty in camp, apparently it got lost in transit...

Its just something that had been bugging me for quite sometime. About how we look at the people around us and how we see them. What is it really that defines who we are to the people around us? I think to a very large extent our occupation has become the definitive factor. "Oh Linda the school teacher?" "Samuel, the one who works in IBM?" Then again, i suppose it only applies to working adults. For teens it would probably be: "Jack from RI?" "Cindy from St. Nicholas?" Schools.

Hmmm... wait a minute... i think i see a pattern there. Organisations? Christians would probably go: "Gerald from CHC" "Pam from Calvary" in their minds.

Anyway, its not about HOW we remember people. But how the organisations that we remember people by affects the sub-conscious value or Price-Tag that we pin onto them. Jack from RI is obviously smarter than Ryan from some other neighbourhood school. Bryan from IBM is definitely more capable than Wilson from some local small set up. All these without actually having any concrete evidence. Its what people call presumptions? Yet i believe that many people are bound and weighed down by these generally held perceptions so much so that who they REALLY are never surface. They become defined by the organisation that they're identified with.

Ok not everyone bothers about how people perceive them. Nonetheless it IS an existing social phenomenon. And i guess i'm whining about it cos of the numerous suggestions that i've received about changing my job. Whats wrong with being a soldier? Um... ya, the usual wrongs. Sure, with my "abilities" i SHOULD be able to carve out a bright future elsewhere. Sure, but that is my choice. Do you mean that if i were an entreprenuer today and not a soldier you would want to be with me?

Think about that. The person is the same person, but if he had a different job, belonged to a different organisation, would your valuation and perception of him change?

UTF-8 Encoding to View...

2006-05-31T19:50:00.000+08:00

烛光晚餐。桌两边，坐了男人和女人。

　　“我喜欢你。”女人一边摆弄着手里的酒杯，一边淡淡的说着。

　　“我有老婆。”男人摸着自己的手上的戒指。

　　“我不在乎，我只想知道，你的感觉。你，喜欢我嘛？”

　　意料中的答案。男人抬起头，打量着对面的女人。

　　24岁，年轻，有朝气，相当不错的年纪。

　　白皙的皮肤，充满活力的身体，一双明亮的，会说话的眼睛。

　　真是不错的女孩啊，可惜。

　　“如果你也喜欢我，我不介意作你的情人。”女人终于等不下去，追加了一句。

　　“我爱我妻子。”?男人坚定的回答。

　　“你爱她？爱她什么？现在的她，应该已经年老色衰，见不得人了吧。

　　否则，公司的晚宴，怎么从来不见你带她来……”

　　女人还想继续，可接触到男人冷冷的目光后，打消了念头。

　　静……

　　“你喜欢我什么？”男人开口了。

　　“成熟，稳重，动作举止很有男人味，懂得关心人，很多很多。反正，和我之前见过的人不同。你很特别。”

　　“你知道三年前的我，什么样子？”男人点了颗烟。

　　“不知道。我不在乎，即使你坐过牢。”

　　“三年前，我就是你现在眼里的那些普通男人。”男人没理会女人，继续说。

　　“普通大学毕业，工作不顺心，整天喝酒，发脾气。对女孩子爱理不理，靠**来发泄自己的欲求不满。还因为去夜总会找小姐，被警察抓过。”

　　那怎么？”女人有了兴趣，想知道是什么，让男人转变的。“因为她？”

　　"嗯。"

　　“她那个人，好像总能很容易就能看到事情的内在。教我很多东西，让我别太计较得失；别太在乎眼前的事；让我尽量待人和善。那时的我在她面前，就像少不更事的孩子。也许那感觉，就和现在你对我的感觉差不多。那时真的很奇怪，倔脾气的我，只是听她的话。按照她说的，接受现实，知道自己没用，就努力工作。那年年底，工作上，稍微有了起色，我们结婚了。”

　　男人弹了弹烟灰，继续说着。

　　"那时，真是苦日子。两个人，一张床，家里的家具，也少的可怜。知道吗？结婚一年，我才给她买了第一颗钻戒，存了大半年的钱呢。当然，是背着她存的。若她知道了，是肯定不让的。”

　　“那阵子，烟酒弄得身体不好。大冬天的，她每天晚上睡前还要给我熬汤喝。那味道，也只有她做得出。”

　　男人沉醉于那回忆里，忘记了时间，只是不停的讲述着往事。

　　而女人，也丝毫没有打扰的意思，就静静地听着。

　　等男人注意到时间，已经晚上10点了。

　　“啊，对不起，没注意时间，已经这么晚了。”男人歉意的笑了笑。

　　“现在，你可以理解嘛？我不可能，也不会，作对不起她的事。”

　　“啊，知道了。输给这样子的人，心服口服咯。”女人无奈地摇了摇头。“不过我到了她的年纪，会更棒的。”

　　“嗯。那就可以找到更好的男人。不是吗？

　　很晚了，家里的汤要冷了，我送你回去。”男人站起身，想送女人。

　　“不了，我自己回去可以了。”女人摆了摆手。“回去吧，别让她等急了。”

　　男人会心的笑了笑，转身要走。

　　“她漂亮嘛？”

　　“。。。。。。。。。。。。。。嗯，很美。”

　　男人的身影消失在夜色中，留下女人，对着蜡烛。发呆。

　　男人回到家，推开门，径直走到卧室，打开了台灯。

　　沿着床边，坐了下来。

　　“老婆，已经第四个了。干吗让我变成这么好，好多人喜欢我呀。搞不好，我会变心呀。干吗把我变成这么好，自己却先走了？我，我一个人，好孤单呀。”

　　男人哽咽的说着，终于泣不成声。

　　眼泪，一滴滴的从男人的脸颊流下，打在手心里的相框上。昏暗的灯光中，旧照片里，弥漫着的，是已逝女子，淡淡的温柔。

Poem from ages past

2006-05-31T17:00:00.000+08:00

Was browsing through my old blog and found this "poem" i wrote like 2 years ago... Interesting though haha...

***

Do you remember the days gone by,
filled with laughter full of joy.
Never would you hear a sigh,
not a whimper not a cry.

Gone are the days so far it seems,
when one could fall and laugh over it.
Every morning a brand new day,
happy we are come what may.

From eight to five we are at work,
trying hard to keep on swimming,
Earning money to feed the family,
one wrong move and we'd be drowning.

How we wish to go back home,
to be loved and to be kissed.
But reality's not a dream,
oh where can we find real peace?

Despair not my dear old friend,
all is not lost there is still a way.
Lift your eyes to the skies,
for there you see our mighty king,

He has come as promised,
full of glory with love overwhelming.
Let Him in and you shall see,
and everything shall be how it should be.

Praise to the Lord our Almighty God.
For He has given us the holy light,
that we may see beyond all this strife,
and know our true purpose in this life.

2006-05-31T10:39:00.000+08:00

“ In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? ”- Psalm 56:4

Isn't this verse so powerful? What can mortal man do to me? Amen to that!
Been feeling kinda stressed out recently cos of work. Well that that, you mere mortals!

Haha... had some weird dream in the morning that almost made me late AGAIN. I was this anti-social special agent/cop/killer? meeting up with some people i was supposed to be working with. Kinda had this feeling that they didn't really like me for what i am. Anyway some bad guy appeared out of nowhere and suddenly i just went into bullet time. You know, the matrix thing? Everything slows down to a crawl except me. I do a sideway overhead flip over one of my companion's BALD head (yeah somehow he was bald lol), rested my hand on his head while my body was still in the air and bang, bad dude down. Haha... I distinctly remember apologising to that bald dude about using his head to stabilise my shot. He had this stunned look on his head while rubbing his head. Haha... Dumb dream.

Been a long time since i felt invincible... I want to feel like i'm Superman once more...

Nameless Fire 3 feet high

2006-05-29T13:06:00.000+08:00

Perhaps i'm just in a crappy mood. But saw something that made my blood boil.

Is it our fault that you've never experienced God all these while that you've been amongst us? Its like attending a Orchestra performance with your iPod blasting away in your eardrums and at the end of the performance complaining that it was boring.

If despite all that we've tried to tell you and show you, you refuse to just LET GO of your own issues for just one second and embrace God, then don't go complaining that God can't help you.

Seriously i wouldn't give a hoot whether you joined us for our activities cos your heart's never here with us. If it wasn't for the fact that God loves you and that He wants people like you and i to come before him... do you think i would care?

On a side note, does this mean that i'm being hypocritical? Hmmm... I think not? I'm being someone that i'm trying to be or want to be. I'm accepting unloveable people into my life hoping they'll one day turn loveable and do the same for others. I'm trying to follow my God's teachings. Being a hypocrite is doing something that i'm not, whether now or in the future. There's a big difference.

Back to my rant.

Argh... fire's dying. Hah... can't stay hot for long these days. Good thing i guess? YOU... just don't go round bad mouthing an organisation that chose to accept and love someone like you. Whatever you say or write, whether you mean it or not, is a very negative testimony to everyone who sees it. I'm sorry if you don't like some of the stuff we enjoy doing, like just spending time sitting together wasting time, or just sharing our recently begotten enlightenments about God and His teachings, or simply kneeling down and talking to our Father. Hey, i like slacking off playing computer games and what not too, but when you come right down to it, i'm pretty sure i'm not going to find what God has for me in games.

Finally, i'm going to try harder to let you see what i see. Perhaps i haven't been doing as much as i should have. So i am responsible for you in some way. Bahh... End up my own fault huh?

So much for playing with fire -..-

Getaway

2006-05-29T12:49:00.000+08:00

Suddenly i'm overwhelmed by this desire to get away from the life i've been having for the past few months. Work, go home, surf, play games, sleep, repeat. The past week was worse... Simply work, go home, sleep... And as what i suspect to be a sub-conscious attempt to maintain some semblence of sanity in my life, i've been spending a ridiculous amount of money on gadgets and games.

I think i must own like at least 2 dozen games that i've yet to complete. A handfull of which i know have not even been played at all.

Pathetic. And i had innocently thought that having no girlfriends and no life would allow me to finally have some savings. Right. I think i'm in the same financial pit now as before, if not worse. -..-

Just found out that J's quitting her job today. A surge of envy came and left. I wish i could do the same. But i know i can't. Too many commitments and responsibilities. Plus that dumb "promotion" that just hit me last week legally means i'll be bonded for a year. I so want to have a break. Go backpacking like i've always wanted ever since i read a series of books written by a journalist about his backpacking adventures.

Europe, the Middle East... Just thinking about it sends a tingle down my spine. Could virtually feel all that history and culture materialising into this gigantic "substance" drowning me in it. So much to absorb and broaden my horizens through. To leap out of the well and see the world. I know how much good it would do to someone like me. Yet... when will that day ever come?

So, here i am contemplating my next purchase. Would it be a Macbook Pro or a Honda Civic Hybrid? :p

Mehhh

2006-05-27T00:06:00.000+08:00

Was about to turn in cos gotta wake up at 6am later to bring my guys for live firing of some 80kg worth of explosives -..-
Checked my unmoderated comments and saw this. Decided to post it here and perhaps answer it once and for all instead of replying to the post which no one might ever see... So here goes.

***
I think one needs to know his/her limit, for example, u are too pocessed over christianity. Devoting all ur life to god. If god is good, why then are u still single? has god been kind enough to grant u a wife now?
no rite? there is no god, stop deceiveing urself.We rely on our hard will and determination to succeed, not look upon god for strength.
You will deterioate if u continue to think that god is everything.why must u pray so hard in churched? pray and donate away money foolishly during each service? for god? for an "object" that is of non-exisitence?
repent and stop being so reliant on something artificial.
u reap what u sow, destiny lies in ur own hand and not in the hands of your so called "god"
***

I don't blame the person who wrote this. Sounds suspiciously like Ms Stalker back to haunt me... Haha... Anyway, yea, for someone who doesn't understand, i place no blame.

Its really funny how this type of comments on my blog is always linked to the fact that i'm currenly single. -..- I believe... that had i wanted so, i can be a married man right now, probably even a father. Very probably. If i had just simply threw away my dream of a truly happy family. I suppose its true that religion is the main cause of my bachelorhood right now. But its my choice, not an act of God turning all the women around me against me. Perhaps this argument will only be settled when one day, i finally settle down with this one girl who sees life as i do?

Do i really come across as someone who's that attached to God? Halleluiah if i do. Haha... I've always thought that i give people the impression of someone frivolous and self indulged. Heh.

I agree that we should always depend on our own two hands for success in worldly affairs. Afterall, thats the reason why God gave us hands isn't it? And it is true that your labour may bear fruit. The only problem is, i'm not seeking success of that sort. I'm chasing after an ideal. A belief that one can BE like Jesus. Just for a day, if not a lifetime. And this quest of mine is simply unattainable by my own two hands, no matter how strongwilled i am. So long as i'm depending on myself, i'm doomed to failure.

Now then, what is money? We need money to survive, to feed ourselves, to live. So then for what do we live? To earn money? Where's the logic in that? Money is simply the means to which we maintain our life, but we live for a purpose that has nothing to do with money, which is but a tool in the world. So long as i have enough money to keep myself alive, what use is there for the rest of it? I suppose self indulgence in garnering luxury items and worldly possessions has its kicks at times. But seriously none of them fill that bottomless pit within my heart.

I don't expect God to give me riches in this world that would fill that hole. It isn't what i want either. I believe that He wants to give me something far more precious. Something philosophers and great thinkers throughout the ages have sought but never found. The purpose to my life. The purpose to all life. The purpose to living. The purpose to existing. The purpose of spending these 70-odd years wandering about upon the earth. Surely it is something worthwhile. Definitely it can't be something that can't even outlast me. What is it that i'm expected to discover in living, that would justify my whole existence? That, my friend, is why i'm what you call a Christian. I follow, because He has shown the way. Not the answer of course, for i too believe that the answer is different for everyone, to a certain extent. He is the way and the truth.

No you won't be satisfied by this answer i give of course. Not because it doesn't make sense, but because you refuse to let it make sense. Rubbish you say, ravings of a man possessed. I read somewhere this phrase "Whatever floats your boat~" Heh... i say, "Whatever makes you truly happy... spilling forth from the very core of your being..."

I like last week's sermon. When you see a house in the middle of no where, you would automatically expect someone to have built it. No way would you think that the house simply came to be there by itself, perhaps blown together by the wind by accident in perfect alignment and complete with all the right materials. So then, why do you believe that this world simply existed, without a God to put it all together in perfect harmony?

Cheers and Goodnight~

Treasure Trove

2006-05-27T00:04:00.000+08:00

For the uninformed, i had once again surrendered to my alter ego and bought a Gameboy Mico... of all things... Its really cute though, potential babe magnet? Haha... Anyway i bought it purely for the sake of having a Final Fantasy game on the go. And perhaps a couple of nice turn based strategy games to go along. Since PSP for some reason has yet to come out with games of the genre that i dig.

So there i was spending the past hour ferreting about the assorted trash piles littered around my room, cupboards, bins, boxes... for the few GBA cartridges that i had owned previously, which i swear to have seen only very recently.

Well, the cartridges managed to evade me without leaving a trace, but i did come upon treasures long forgotten. Letters dated as far back as 1997 from a penpal (i can't even REMEMBER ever having a penpal -..-), correspondences with my cousin who, now that i think of it, is also called Charlene..., tons of little cards, bookmarks, notes from Doreen when we were together..., Neoprints and cards taken together with various girls (gosh, Cassie looked so dorky back then! But it was the in-thing then wasn't it? Heh)... And various other little trinkets gathering dust, rust and what not.

So much for claiming to have a terrific memory. There's so much i couldn't remember until the memories were triggered by the items dug up. So much for claiming to be sentimental when there's so much that i didn't bother remembering in the more accessible recesses of my brain. And so much guilt... reading all the momentos Doreen left me. Sure things didn't end well, but there's proof there existed a time when she spent her time thinking of me, caring for me and perhaps living for me. Can't say i've done much of the same for her or anyone else for that matter. Argh... i didn't even know Ping wrote a letter AND a Christmas card to me! (Btw, Ping, if you ever read this, i seriously think u've got the nicest handwriting i've ever seen, EVER)

Kinda glad i NEVER throw any of the stuff i receive from people away. Its all stuffed somewhere... with the belief that one day i'll come back and go through them again... whether intentionally or not i have no idea. But i really do believe. Yes, even SOME birthday "card" made out of graph paper is being kept. I even managed to find like THREE of my previous wallets. And thats alot considering i've owned like around only 5 wallets since Secondary school?

Ok maybe my memory's good afterall, cos all the items bring back wave after wave of memories. Emotions. Thoughts. Perhaps its only my heart that's not what it should be. I guess i was right a couple of weeks back when i decided that i had been a rotten friend to all the people around me so far. Oh if u noticed i changed my profile in Friendster to reflect that then.

Sigh.

Let me learn how to be a friend. THEN shall i talk about being a BOYFRIEND. ^ ^"

Oh, i had already decided on the name Justus in JC?? Saw that in a letter from penpal from that period. Gosh... I always thought i had chosen that name to be used during NS -..-

DVC... What else?

2006-05-18T23:07:00.000+08:00

Just wanted to blog about it although i seriously have no idea how to go about it at all.

Been wanting to get the book since i read a few chapters of it at my cousin's house during CNY... Yes... that long ago. But never got round to it haha... So when W passed me the book and asked if i wanted to read it, i brought it home. Its a pretty short book, prob took me like half a day to finish the whole book? Of course i spread it out over a few days... really too busy at work this week.

The Book

When i was like 3/4 through the book, i was getting kinda worried about the impact that this book would bring about to the Christian world. No it wasn't about the apparent claim that Jesus had a romantic relationship with Mary Magdelene and had a child with her. Well i was a tad troubled by the book's insinuation that Jesus was merely a man VOTED to Godhood by some council.
But i was most worried about the validity of the allegation that the Roman Church had edited and made use of the popularity of the Bible to strenghten its power over the people via Christianity.

Now that i look back, it was a silly thing to worry about really. Even IF that were true, God's Words will not be hidden or twisted by the hands of man. Not by poor translation nor anything else in this world. But i suppose that faith in God would have been shaken if the foundation of our beliefs - The Bible was a farce. -..-

The Truth

I gotta thank W for passing me that leaflet when we went to catch MI:III on Tuesday night. It was really enlightening as it covered most of the points of debate in the book marvelously. It would probably explain in better terms than i could here, so go get that leaflet that Convenant is passing around i think. Or ask W for one ^ ^

A few salient points.

- The Gnostic Gospels (The set of gospels supposedly written by the OTHER disciples besides Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) have been proven by experts to be fake. Written by someone who USED their names to make it seem authentic. This is the source of information that the book drew on with regards to references to the relationship between Jesus and Mary Magdelene.

- There is no Priory of Scion. Not one that supposedly guarded a secret about the Church anyway.

- The only voting that was done with regards to Jesus was not about whether he was Divine, everyone already KNOWS that He's God. They were just trying to decide if He was created (ie. 2 Gods? One Father One Son?) or Co-Exist from the beginning (The Trinity that we have today.) It wasn't a close call. Scholars today agree that the vote was something like 60 to 2. Kinda like our own election don't u think? Haha...

Logically Thinking

Alot of people try to place themselves into Jesus' psyche and talk about how impossible it would be for somneone to maintain a lie when his life is threatened. I like to look at it from the viewpoint of His disciples. The ones who were with Him all the way and DEFINITELY knew if Jesus was really the Son of God or a liar. Even if we say Jesus was a crazy liar, if you were one of his disciples, would you continue this lie (for someone who has already died) and eventually give your own life for it? No freaking way!

DVC claims that Jesus had entrusted His Church to Mary Magdelene and that she was the foundation upon which His church would be built on and not Peter as the Gospels says. If that were the case, would someone as hot headed as Peter continue his life as he had after Jesus' death? He was eventually crucified just as Jesus had been. by the Roman authorities.

Final Words

Besides all the factual inaccuracies, it is a pretty good read, for a fiction paperback. I just wish that the author had not chosen to use Christianity as the backdrop of his book. Yea everyone loves a conspiracy and the human brain refuses to believe even in something that has managed to survive 2000 years and more.

Hey, if Jesus was a mere man. I challenge you, human being who is probably much more knowledgeable than someone from 2000 years ago, to repeat His feat. And let your legacy last as long. Who can claim to be God, attact followers and inspire billions to follow?

Thinking about it, i'm simply AWED by my God and what He has done. Had i only been alive to witness His glory and hear His words... WOW...

Finally its up!

2006-05-08T01:34:00.000+08:00

For your viewing pleasure hahaha...