Sorry

I guess when she reads this she'll know this is meant for her. But please ar, don't give any indication you read it, just continue with life as it is.

Prob a better idea to leave things as it is, but i want to scream out the guilt i've been carrying around all these years.

Whenever i think back, i remember the day she came and told me she's finally started telling people i'm her boyfriend. Then i remember how i left her crying in her house... Its a knife twisting inside my heart always.

Yea i tell myself it was the right thing to do. And all these years thats been what i've been telling myself. But because it seemed like the right thing to do, should i have done it? Being self righteous and all? And i ask myself, if the third party had not appeared, stood by myside and encouraged me to take that step, would i have? I'm not saying she goaded me, that its her fault. It is and always will be my fault.

Its not until a few days back that i think i understood just how much you loved me. But obviously i didn't love you enough.

I was sharing with my friend about love (cause he was complaining about not having a single gf before). And as i was telling him about the kind of girl that we should be looking for, i suddenly looked faraway and told him "I had a girlfriend like that once before, everything was beautiful in my life then, but i chose to walk away..." He was puzzled and like WTF? I was just sitting there at a lost.

No this isn't a post to say how much i love you. Cos i don't. I just wanna say i'm sorry, no matter what reason i gave before, nothing is enough to justify the hurt i caused. I'm really really sorry... more sorry than i've ever been.

All i can do is to pray and hope for your life to be happy. And yea i'm here for you as the brother you never had, anytime. You might not know it, but whatever you ask, i will never refuse you. I can't. I owe you too much. I know you don't want me to feel this way (i think... haha...) but its ok, really.

And hey, thanks for being by my side even now. I remember telling my friend this too... "How many girls will forgive me after causing that kind of hurt? She really is one of a kind, the kind all of us dream for." Happy? Normal day "suan" you alot, now praise abit won't die lar hor? Lol...

Thanks, and I'M SORRY.