Roads...
The thing with roads, is that they seem to everywhere. And then when you least expect it, you suddenly can't go anywhere.
If you know what i'm talking about, you must be smarter than i am. Hah.
Someone was talking about mid-life crisis just not too long ago. Hmmm... seems like i've come to a similar stage in life?
Just a couple of years ago I was confident that there wasn't anything i couldn't do. That even if i were to quit the army, i can definitely find something i love doing, and survive doing that. Yet today, posed with the same question, i find myself unable, or unwilling to take that step, into an unknown frontier.
My boss, who's retiring at the end of the year, recently told me that with some hard work, i can probably retire a Lt. Col. Not too bad for a screw up with no degree. Something i'd have scoffed at in the past. Yet now, that possible future doesn't seem so bad anymore.
Why???
Well, I know why. My guiding light, my pillar of fire in darkness is gone. Well, to put it in the right perspective, I had abandoned it. HIM. Then again, not exactly abandoned... but I've chosen to shy away from Him. Much like how Adam and Eve hid from God after they had sinned maybe? I don't know.
Its horrible. Knowing that henceforth every step i take will be without His blessings. No longer can i turn and look to Him for comfort and strength. I'm sorry. Not to Him, not to anyone else, but to myself. Well, ok, i'm sorry to everyone too. Sigh.
Don't ask me what happened. I have no idea how to put into words what transpired. Beyond salvation comes to mind. But i know thats not true. I think i just want some time alone, 40 yrs would be good... Heh.
***
In my office right now, at 1 am. Felt that its about time i explained to ANYONE who cared what happened to me. In a really vague way yes. Anyway, gonna be in the forest on exercise for the next 4 days, so don't bother trying to reach me. Not that i'll answer any calls anyway.
That being said, there are somethings, big things, in my life that i've decided i'll do. Perhaps not the most right thing to do, or the proper time to decide such things. But if nothing changes in the next year or so, i'll do it. And i'll bear the consequences. As if i can choose not to bear the consequences of my actions! Bah...
I've not disappeared or left for good. I'll still be here. I think? But don't expect any replies from me. And someday i'll be back. Heh. Terminator style? When everyone's all grown up, maybe married? Children? O.o" Ok THAT's abit too long to be away. Anyway, till then, do take care of OUR Church ya? Sorry you guys gotta take up my share as well. Heyyyy who knows? Maybe i'll be back next week? Haha...
Lalala... And to YOU. (Whoever thinks is the YOU haha...) Sorry what I had hoped would happen if I didn't screw up didn't happen. -..-
Yawn... Zzz
If you know what i'm talking about, you must be smarter than i am. Hah.
Someone was talking about mid-life crisis just not too long ago. Hmmm... seems like i've come to a similar stage in life?
Just a couple of years ago I was confident that there wasn't anything i couldn't do. That even if i were to quit the army, i can definitely find something i love doing, and survive doing that. Yet today, posed with the same question, i find myself unable, or unwilling to take that step, into an unknown frontier.
My boss, who's retiring at the end of the year, recently told me that with some hard work, i can probably retire a Lt. Col. Not too bad for a screw up with no degree. Something i'd have scoffed at in the past. Yet now, that possible future doesn't seem so bad anymore.
Why???
Well, I know why. My guiding light, my pillar of fire in darkness is gone. Well, to put it in the right perspective, I had abandoned it. HIM. Then again, not exactly abandoned... but I've chosen to shy away from Him. Much like how Adam and Eve hid from God after they had sinned maybe? I don't know.
Its horrible. Knowing that henceforth every step i take will be without His blessings. No longer can i turn and look to Him for comfort and strength. I'm sorry. Not to Him, not to anyone else, but to myself. Well, ok, i'm sorry to everyone too. Sigh.
Don't ask me what happened. I have no idea how to put into words what transpired. Beyond salvation comes to mind. But i know thats not true. I think i just want some time alone, 40 yrs would be good... Heh.
***
In my office right now, at 1 am. Felt that its about time i explained to ANYONE who cared what happened to me. In a really vague way yes. Anyway, gonna be in the forest on exercise for the next 4 days, so don't bother trying to reach me. Not that i'll answer any calls anyway.
That being said, there are somethings, big things, in my life that i've decided i'll do. Perhaps not the most right thing to do, or the proper time to decide such things. But if nothing changes in the next year or so, i'll do it. And i'll bear the consequences. As if i can choose not to bear the consequences of my actions! Bah...
I've not disappeared or left for good. I'll still be here. I think? But don't expect any replies from me. And someday i'll be back. Heh. Terminator style? When everyone's all grown up, maybe married? Children? O.o" Ok THAT's abit too long to be away. Anyway, till then, do take care of OUR Church ya? Sorry you guys gotta take up my share as well. Heyyyy who knows? Maybe i'll be back next week? Haha...
Lalala... And to YOU. (Whoever thinks is the YOU haha...) Sorry what I had hoped would happen if I didn't screw up didn't happen. -..-
Yawn... Zzz
posted by Justus at 12:53 AM
2 Comments:
Well, I do miss you and will pray damn hard for you to come back real quick.
Living without God's blessings is duhz scary thing to do. I should know as I sometimes do tat without pple noticing..
Anyways your Christmas present is ready for collection.
Yes. I got you something.
Got my airbrush set too.... paid by my company.
Thanks for the prezzie! Sounds good! Haha... oh btw, its J-U-S-T-U-S not JUSTIN!!! Lol...
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