Tearing apart...

A psalm of David

I know the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken for he is right beside me.
No wonder my heart is filled with joy, and my mouth shouts his praises!
My body rests in hope.
For you will not leave my soul among the dead or allow your Holy One to rot in the grave.
You have shown me the way of life, and you will give me wonderful joy in your presence.

***

A prayer of one overwhelmed with trouble, ouring out problems before the Lord

Lord, hear by prayer!
Listen to my plea!
Don't turn away from me in my time of distress.
Bend down your ear and answer me quickly when I call to you,
for my days disappear like smoke, and my bones burn like red-hot coals.
My heart is sick, withered like grass, and I have lost my appetite.
Because of my groaning, I am reduced to skin and bones.
I am like an owl in the desert, like a lonely owl in a far-off wilderness.
I like awake, lonely as a solitary bird on the roof.
My enemies taunt me day after day.
They mock and curse me.
I eat ashes instead of my food.
My tears run down into my drink, because of your anger and wrath.
For you have picked me up and thrown me out.
My life passes as swiftly as the evening shadows.
I am withering like grass.

***

Man... I wish I could return to the state of mind and soul belonging to that of the first psalm... But here I am, stuck in the later. Again. And as i type it out, I find my soul echoing the cries made by the author. Gosh... I could jolly well have written that myself -..-

But then again, I wouldn't have used owl... It feels more like being a rat in the middle of the desert to me... With no where to run nor hide >.< EEEK*

How true it is, that when God isn't with me, life passes in the blink of the eye. Nothing I do makes sense. Nothing I do means anything. Its all for naught. ARGH.

I hate it when I hit the bottom of the cosine?sine? curve... And the lows are seriously getting lower and lasting longer these days. Sins piling up? Not repenting fast enough? Muddling around in the piles of sin too long? MEH.

You know, I learnt during one of the courses that I attended, that in order to teach someone, or to pass on knowledge, a good way is to show the person your progression of thoughts. To speak aloud. In some sense i do that... ALOT... here in my blog... although I do keep it in check sometimes or risk being taken for a lunatic. The way my mind bounces and ricochets from one thought to the other... pretty tough to keep up with if I didn't arrange them SOMEWHAT.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

Yet, in all this crap that I'm in, I'm still secretly (ok not TOO secretly) harbouring the hope of meeting HER still... -..- LQ says perhaps I really don't deserve someone. She could be right. But MEH that HURT. BOO... Is it THAT hard to find a beautiful Christian girl around my age with long hair, a smile on her lips, walks with a bounce TO HER STEPS!!! TO HER STEPS!!! NOT ELSEWHERE!!! -..- You people... *shakes head* Now where was I? Oh yea... Like a beam of living sunshine, tons of love within her, with a secret evil streak when it comes to me... Haha... Now that would be great ya? Lalalala...

O GOD... LET ME WAKE UP :(