Arghhhh

Had wanted to share some Bible verses. But mum came in and destroyed my mood.

Damnit man... my life's screwed up in all aspects. No one trusts me, no one believes me. Who to blame but myself? God already told me to be responsible in even the mundane stuff. But no... i had my head in the clouds. Me and my lofty ideals.

I wanted to study. I loved studying. I thought i was ready. But i realised i wasn't. I could juggle work and family, let alone the addition of studies. So i decided to disrupt for a year while i settle my life. Hell, if i can't set aside time to do my own studying in this one year, i won't be ready for studies a year later.

I've got my plans, my reasons. But no... What people see is me jumping into something i'm not ready for and not running away from it. Hey, if my work didn't suddenly intensify with the additional projects being thrown to me, i might have managed it in time. I'm only stopping now so as to not screw up BOTH my studies AND my work. I see the big picture, the long haul. So what if my fees for the semester is forfeit. Its a small price to pay if i can get everything back on track. Money is just money... whats the big deal damnit. And now my mum suspects that i did not even pay the fees in the first place. I'm so pissed!!! Arghhhh...

Quite a few people have told me before that i've got my perspective all wrong. I think i'm smart, but people see me as being dumb. Deep down? I know i'm fighting a losing battle. One can't go against the tide forever. The tide wins eventually and i'll be washed up. 但我不干愿！我不服！为什么人生就一定要这样走?

Sigh... what am i doing? Why do i even bother? Just do what everyone's doing ya? Why give myself problems?

God... Save me...