爱的定义

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如果爱是空中的明月，
我曾经拥有的只是水中的幻影。

过去的一切如风拂面而过，
留下的只是脸上干了的泪痕。
心中的痛谁能知晓？

因为不愿意等，
因为太想要。

如今我明白也愿意 - 等。

“我爱你” - 从今冰封，直等到你出现。

忘记过去努力面前，
再次成为一个感情纯洁的人！

奇迹将会出现！

因为在人不能，在神却能！

不再为你而活，
反倒为神而活。

我相信，
只有当我完全献上时，
我才配得你！

希望你也在等，
不知在何处的你。。。

***

Random muse... tried to be lyrical, but rambled off in the end haha...
Hope it serves some purpose...

There might be someone out there who's faithfully waiting for you... Are you also faithfully waiting for him/her?

Right now, i just want to work towards becoming someone who can speak face to face with God. Do you know how hard that is? An inspiration from today's class. Haha... To be a righteous person who can face God. Wow. Through Jesus i believe that may be possible one day...? Well, at least i want to be able to face myself. To put all that i've learnt into practice. To have a life that is reflective of my knowledge of God's teachings.

Christianity's not about God like some think it is. Its about becoming who we should be, through knowing God - we know ourselves. To become the best that we can be in every sense of the word. 一个完全的人！

Who am i trying to beat?

"I would like to have a hamburger."

^^ Watch Pink Panther haha...

Caught the show yesterday, stupid show, funny yes, but it reminds me of early Stephen Chow movies. The humour's a tad juvenile, there are parts where i don't find it THAT funny, but heck, everyone else's laughing. Or maybe its just me. Sometimes i find myself putting myself in the character's shoes, and suddenly everything doesn't seem so funny anymore. Rather sad really.

Anyway, went to the arcade for a bit after the show, was waiting for ZH to finish his game of tennis (on the game console haha...) Was notified by ZL about this punching game machine, so decided to go try it out. Been feeling kinda violent these days, needed something to "release" myself hahaha...

So i went, bam, 8000+++ points. Poo, the top score's 9000+. Decided to try again, cos i know i could beat that score haha... Hadn't managed to use all my strength mah... Need warm up. Bam. 9000+ but still shy of the top score by a weeeeeeeee bit. Mehh... 2 tries per token. So yea, charged up full power, swing, MISSED the damn punching bag hahahaha.... Should have saw that coming... Mehhhhh... Totally overpowered, zero accuracy. Thats the main reason why i seldom use more than 80% strength >.< Something dumb always happens.

Yea, bummer. That swing would have broken the record for sure if it hit -.- I think. Haha... Anyway, some dude came up to play next. Bam... 9000+++ Bam... broke record. >.< Some young punk bahh... But he did the usual run up bam thing that most people usually do for these punching games. People around me were telling me to do the same thing, use his technique blah blah. I refused to. Sure, i'd love to beat his new record. And having a running start would definitely make it possible. But, i believed that i could beat the record by playing "fair", the way i think the game is meant to be played. So i went again, bam bam.... 8000+++ Lol...

I guess some things never change? I've always insisted on doing things my way. The way i think's right. And even if the results don't turn out as well as others who did it differently (or what i deem as the WRONG way), i'd still believe in my way and just blame myself for not being able to perform well enough for the results to show.

Pros and Cons to this mentality of mine i guess? Its all good if my beliefs are built on the right things, like God's Words. People call that steadfast i think. But if my beliefs are just my beliefs, people call that stubborn. Haha...

So hmmmm... I was being competitive. I had wanted to beat the record. But not by emulating what others do. I wanted to do it MY way, to show others that you don't have to "cheat" to beat the game. But sadly, my Bruce Lee One Inch Punch's still kinda rusty haha... ^ ^

Sorry Mum...

Had another of those arguments with my mum, about how i wish she'd trust me more and give me a chance to be a good son, instead of chasing after my arse for her monthly allowance, making it seem like i'm being forced into giving her the money...

Heck, i was so fed up with her refusal to admit being wrong in the way she handled me that i gave her $20 to go catch I Not Stupid Too with Dad haha... Now you know why ticket sales are so good.

Anyway i said my piece, she gave hers. And i finally told her why i've been scrimping so much the past year... My Credit Card debt from my "exodus" period. Between that crazy thousand buck phone bill, credit card bills and repaying her for the study loan, i had next to nothing left after giving tithe and topping up my Eazi-Link. Its really not that i don't want to give her more, but that i really couldn't, not until i repaid everything. Give me credit for settling that dumb phone bill ya? And i've repaid 1/3 of the credit card bills already... Slowly but steadily clearing up the mess left behind by my past. >.<

Mum toned down ALOT after i told her about the debt. And she volunteered to clear my debt for me first so at least i won't be incurring that loan-shark-like interest. Which means i'll continue repaying her till forever haha... Well, i refused the offer at first, cos in another month i would have cleared the study loan from her and can finally start giving her the cash not as repayment, but as something i willingly give her. She kept insisting and in the end i gave in, cos she said she knows what's in my heart now. So yea... so long as she knows... Anyway now that the bank debt will be cleared, no need to rush THAT much cos mum won't charge me interest... err... not at the bank rate anyway, so i've decided to repay her 600 every month and on top of that i'll give her 200, which i INSISTED is not to be included in the repayment. Its something extra i want to give her. And i handed her 200 immediately to seal the deal lol... She wanted to refuse it, saying start next month, but nah... i want to start giving her what i want to give NOW. I WANT to give my mum money to spend ya? 27 years le... Bahhh... Enough worrying about the useless son ya?

So ya, sometime next year i'll finish repaying all the debts that i owe, can prob give her more. I said i'll give at least 100 more than whatever my sis' giving (to challenge her at the same time myself...). Haha... And yea, once my finances are finally stabalised maybe i can start saving, and even seriously consider buying a car after i've saved abit. My dream car Rx-8? Mehh... if i find someone in my life who supports the idea and willing to share the load bahhh hahaha... FAT HOPE.

Anyway ya... Mum, i wish i hadn't lost your trust and faith all those years ago, i didn't like how you mistrusted me these years, but i know its my fault for losing it in the first place. Yea, you know we don't say it face to face in our family, but yeap I love you and am thankful for a mum like you!

Gillian Chung!

Haha, random post. The last post screwed up somehow thanx to the coloring problem so i deleted it >.<

Just came back from watching some dumb "ghost" movie starring Feng Derun and GILLIAN CHUNG! (One half of the Twins singing duo...)

Oh have i mentioned before i'm SO into how she looks? Higher score than Fiona Xie hahaha... But of course Fiona wins on the figure department ^ ^

Gillian's got that sweet cheerful look and i like the blur look she gives sometimes too haha... And oh oh! The little mole she has on her cheek... i like for some reason... Haha... SOMEONE i know also has a very nice mole wor... Erm, no not anyone from Church heh. :)

Mobile Post #2

Now lemme try using mobile gmail =j

*Ok this is much better, publishes instantly... and i think cheaper than MMS >.<

Mobile Post #1

Testing out blogging via MMS! :-p

*Eh... so it only stores as draft... i gotta come back here to post it out... >.< And the picture i put didn't go through either boo...

Kisses (Cont.)

My lips are sooooo sore from all the kissing today. About 3 hrs worth of kissing...

A mannequin.

Duh! Attended CPR Life Saving Course earlier and had to give mouth to mouth to the dummy named "Ann". >.<

Hah! Wasn't what you expected from the title isn't it? ^______^

Anyway during the course someone asked what was my plan for V-day. I was like huh? (Brain not registering) Oh! Damn, V-day's round the corner again?

Mehh... guess it's gonna be another lonely V-day, not that i'm complaining... not much anyway bleah... The last V-day was disastrous. Ex cancelled celebrations with me citing work commitments when she was really meeting up with her ex and ending up having a romp together. I wear green to work everyday, but my beret's BLUE, i totally HATE being made to wear a green hat. (Oh for the non-chinese out there, we called someone who's being made a cuckold someone who wears a green hat... don't ask me why -.-)

***

Did i tell you about a dream i had a while back? For two nights i dreamt about an abandoned corpse with a frod on its face. Well in the first dream it was just ON the face. In the second dream it had sort of melted away the face somehow and was IN the face. Curiously enough the face looked like a cabbage being peeled open in the middle. Ewww...

Anyway yesterday, while i was bathing, for about a second my vision just blurred out and i saw a blind man with a stick. Not just any blind man either... He had no eyes. By no eyes i don't mean just two gaping holes where the eyes should have been. But that there was just smooth flesh covering the place where his eyes should have been. Eerie....... >.<

I kinda freaked out and got out of the bathroom as fast as i could.

Totally weird... a "vision" while bathing??? Duh... And i couldn't make any sense out of it either. Or maybe it was just meant to prep me for a longer version sometime in the future. *Panic*

***

Fell asleep at around 8... missed dinner AGAIN. This post took one night one day to complete lol. Oh i had this dream about me at a resort with people who looked like the kids from Akha there. Songsa and Feng-de-lun look-alike were there for sure. Somehow it turned into a warzone, and we were the only fighting "men" in it. I survived, they didn't. Duh... Good thing i didn't get to see how they died though, we were split into different forces. All i remember about MY fight was that everyone had rifles and i was the only bugger with just a PISTOL >.< Shooting at flying robot thingys... -.- We didn't win, but we survived...

My brain's going nuts these days, wonder what i'll SEE next -.-"

A New Day...

Woke up this morning and saw msgs left by a FEW people on msn accusing me of being on my game and not replying... >.<

ACTUALLY i fell asleep at 8 and only woke up at 4am, switched off my lappy and went back to sleep again... Been real sleepy these few days for some reason. Hmm...

***

Anyway.

I reached Clementi and missed the stoopig bus by a few seconds -.- So i decided go down Mcdonalds (did you know the Aussies call it Maccas? Duh...) and have a take away meal.

It may all seem very normal to you. But as i was walking towards the gates of my camp with my breakfast swinging from my hand, i suddenly had this thought: Hey! I'm going to work! Its not booking into camp anymore, but going to work! I can just imagine a certain someone going "Big Deal!" But it is a big deal... to me at least. Its about time i saw going to camp not as a NS boy would, but as an adult going to work. Whoa! Going to work with my breakfast ready to be eaten haha...

Just as i was about to step through the gates, another thought hit me. No, no, no! Its not just going to work either! I'm going to evangelise. This stoopig, boring, backstabbing place is my field and i'm here to reap the harvest! Well THANKS eh? Had to give me this patch -.-"

I mean i've known this all along of course, the theory of letting being a Christian be our main occupation while our job's just a part-time. But to really SEE our workplace as a field... and to work towards preparing all the not-so-pretty people in there for harvest, wow thats a step forward! Sometimes i want to swing my scythe not to reap but to rip their "bodo" heads off though hahaha...

Ok so i'm elated but at the same time i was kinda feeling crap. Can't i have another nicer patch of ground to work with? Mehhhhhh... What is impossible for JUSTUS anyway? Hurmphf... *Rolls up sleeves* I'll get them all ^^

***

Oh did i mention i bought Josh (or was it Joshua? -.-) Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye for the 3rd time? Haha... Gave the previous 2 away. Well, this morning i had a sudden inspiration so i went and left it on my sis' bag. Yay to me ^^ Hopefully she brought it to work and is reading it even as i type...

Right, feeling chirpy, with my lappy blasting away a FIR album away in the background (yeah i snuck my personal lappy into camp today haha), bursting with love and no where to throw it duh... Checked my mail, and saw it 80% filled with mail from Cassie. The other 19% being junk mail.

Sigh... She has been a really good buddy to me when i needed company the most. And i haven't done much to lead her towards finding a true purpose in life via God. Always been led around by her instead duh. Looking back, i realise i do miss her and her crazy antics... some of it anyway. And i realise the debt that i owe her. The evangelical debt. I pray for the wisdom to lead the people around me towards knowing God. Or, using the currect army catchphrase: I wish for the wisdom to FACILITATE their discovery of God...

Wow its only 9:30 but i feel like i've done quite abit already hehe... Time to go back to "The Purpose Driven Life" and maybe FINISH it this time ^^