笑傲江湖

再来一次！这次采用 Firefox 应该不会死翘翘了吧。。。
那天读完了《笑傲江湖》突然很有感动用华语 blog 哪里知道 IE 不争气。

Anyway

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从前读了金庸的武侠小说，最喜欢的角色就是《倚天屠龙记》里的张无忌了。他人品好，狭义心肠，内外功都处于巅峰， 武功天下无敌，医术又是等如神医，而且自身又百毒不侵。虽然他做事有点婆婆妈妈，感情又三心两意，但人又有谁是完美的？

现 在就不同了。《笑傲江湖》里的令狐冲如今代替了张无忌。令狐冲这个人的性格可就大大的合我胃口了。他仍然具有狭义心肠，但人品就有点。。。像我哈哈！有 那么点的懒惰，爱搞笑，甚至恶作剧。。。好也好在他有自知之明，也不会看不起人，不像他师父那般自居于正派中人，视所有的邪派中人为敌。所谓：正派里也有 坏人，邪派里也有好人！令狐冲虽然剑法天下第一，拳脚功夫却差的很。内功也是到了最后才厉害起来的。最令我欣赏的是他对感情的专一！还有他对自己的信念的 执著，不论受不受他人的认同，他会随着他的心走他的路！

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猪头金庸。。。每本小说都是有情情爱爱。咳。。。我的任盈盈几时才会出现？

Superman?

I think i'm turning into Superman...

First i broke my office key with a simple twist in the lock...

Then i tried to turn my room window's locked latch to see if it really was locked and the whole metal latch (almost brand new, no not rusty...) just broke off...

Now i'm sitting here in my Superman boxers and Superman T-shirt waiting for X-ray vision to come ^^

Someone just kill me with kryptonite... -.-"

Update 26th Oct 05

On duty in camp now. Sux, typed a whole post in chinese last nite but it got lost cos blogger refused to upload. Anyway i tot can just hit back button to get everything back later so went on to install Halflife2... but i fell asleep at the 3rd disc, woke up, laptop had restarted itself >.<

Anyway i'll prob redo that post again when i get home. Been reading chinese swordplay novels these days online haha... www.shuku.net is a good place to go. And guess what, i found a commercial website under my chinese name... www.yifan.com lol... Its a chinese yahoo wannabe. Hmmm... kinda like what i had in mind lol but i was thinking of using my christian name instead haha...

Hmmm... not alot of inspiration to write these days. Anyone can give me a spark? Hehe...

I saw the universe...

This morning while i was online attempting to convince people about God, i saw Him. I saw His creation and all of the universe. For a second there i felt that i had almost caught up to Him...

I like the website http://www.doesgodexist.org very much. The ideas presented within are very real and make up most of what i fail to put into words.

I saw my life... chasing after God's 背影... Sometimes falling behind, sometimes getting close... Just when i was despairing, thinking this is never going to end, God was waiting for me just up ahead, facing me. I have reached where He was leading me to. The place He prepared for me...

How i wish i could keep running... i know there are times when He falls back to run beside me, and there are times when i KO and He carried me. I cherish this time i have with my God. His presence makes all of this worthwhile. And i want my loved ones to have this... this true LIFE He has given us. I live in this world because of the tasks He has set for me, but my spirit soars far above the world, because i know where i am going...

I love this feeling... though it might fade... i love doing things for my God, i wish i could do more! Much much more!

Useless to convince...

I've kinda resigned to the fate that its useless to try to convince someone who's FAR away from salvation in the existence of God, or of Christ.

There's no point arguing with words. If that person doesn't want to believe, he can find a thousand and one reasons not to. Pick on your words. Pick on so-called contradictions in the Bible. Pick on mistakes imperfect Christians made. Bah...

How did Paul do it sia... Live-fight in synogues somemore... At least Elijah (Or Elisha? Lol... lazy to check la...) called down fire from the sky to prove his point... Mehh... I wish i could call down fire on these idiots...

Extract from forum

Extracted from a post i put in a forum in reply to all the stupid threads bouncing around... Was praying to God throughout the crafting of this post that at least 1 person would gain a new perspective from my post... Haiz...

What if...

God took direct control of the world. We are as we are, with Free Will and all. But God keeps all of us well fed, everyday wake up you have food to eat. Anytime the weather goes out of control He would say the word and everything is back to normal.

So basically, there are no worries. Everyday from the moment you wake up you are fed. No danger, cos under God's protection.

Give us a million years from creation and we'll STILL be naked, don't even know how to take care of ourselves. A farcry from what we are today... Perfect world? As a parent would you want that for your children? I would do that to my pet, but not my child.

All part of the plan baby

Its a decision made from the beginning. That we will be given the necessary tools (our 2 hands 2 legs and a smarter than the average ape brain), and even a headstart - clothing so the first 2 dudes don't die from the weather...)

If we take the Biblical version of man's beginning, Adam and Eve were given time in the garden to learn about ALL the plants and animals there are. Basically given the knowledge they need to survive before finally being released into the wild, the TRUE beginning and God hands-off from there.

To me, Satan did not win by succeeding in tempting Adam and Eve to eat the forbidden fruit. God allowed that to happen. It was all part of His grand plan. The final gift to complete our Free Will. To be given the power to CHOOSE. Could Satan have tempted them before they were ready? No way... the TIME was chosen by God. Smart as Satan thought he was, God is a billion steps ahead.

Show us You're God

God did step in to show the way to Him every now and then. And finally He did walk among men once more. As a man. Why a man? I believe His purpose was not to prove that He existed. Come on, there are enough evidence that He exists. It was to take away the excuses that man had been giving throughout their existence. That they cannot live up to God's expectations. That His instructions are too harsh and difficult to follow.

Here comes the interesting part.

Then people argue, But Jesus is God, of course He can do it. So we admit He is God yea? And if He is God, then what He said should be heeded as words from God isn't it?

Oh, then we say, nah Jesus isn't God at all. So how did He do what no one has ever been able to do? No, not all the miracles. But to live a life free from Sin! If He isn't God, then ANYONE of us can do it. Prove He isn't God by doing it!

Argue all you want... Say that the people who wrote about Him idolised Him and left out the places where He succumbed to Sin. You know how true that is. If the leader you believed in and lived for one day turned out to be a fraud, would you continue convincing others he is authentic and even give your life for him? Put yourself in the Disciple's shoes.

Back to Show Us You're God..

People saw Him, touched Him, were cured by Him. He told them He is God. Yet there were still people who did not believe. What more do you want? Would anything change if He came in our time instead? If we believe now because we saw Him, would our decendants centuries down the road believe because of what we saw? Take pictures, videos and what not? Given the technology then, they would brush off the whole thing as a gimmick, a fraud, the way we are right now wouldn't they?

John 20:29 - "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."
(Told to Thomas who insisted on seeing the resurrected Christ before believing...)

How would you have done it if you wanted to have a creation that had free will, maximise their potential, and eventually come to know their Creator?

April Snow

Just caught the show... A spur of the moment thing...

If you haven't caught the show and intend to, don't read on... Spoilers ahead.

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Ok, its a show about 2 people who meet because their spouse were involved in a traffic accident, in the same car... And then they realise their spouse were having an affair. So while both their spouse were in coma, they slowly got attracted to each other and ended up having an affair as well...

The moral implications are... well... complicated lol... Bae and his wife obviously weren't close. He for one didn't even know if she's travelling out of town for business. The wife and her lover had been schoolmates in the same ECA, and had most probably been having an affair for quite some time, if not straight after their marriage... Which makes me wonder why marry someone you don't love as much? Yet even so, was it right for him to have an affair himself? Even if it wasn't to "get even"? I agree with what the girl asked... "What if we had known each other earlier? Or much later?"

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What if you didn't wait long enough, for the RIGHT one to come along? What if you met him/her further down the road AFTER you've gotten married? But if we choose to hold out and wait, what if he/she never shows up?

We settle for the runner up cos we do not think that the Champion will come. Even when he/she appears, we worry they might not fall for us... Haiz... How i wish i'd really get my dream girl one day, babe who loves God #1, me and family #2 or #3 in any order doesn't matter... Hur... Getting a babe is close to impossible le... A Christian at the same time? Better chance winning the lottery... Bleah... How... Boo hoo hoo...

Did you know...

I talk to myself when i'm walking alone... Haha... its true. I probably like the sound of my own voice too much lol...

The strange thing is, i use perfect english, fully articulated with every word nicely pronounced, with a slight hint of a slang even when i talk to myself. But when i talk to people, for some reason i can't do it.

Perhaps it feels weird for a Chinese to be speaking THAT way... I mean, especially since most of the people i hang out with use Singlish, it would be kinda weird if i didn't sing-along lol... And i didn't want to be seen as a showoff either i guess. Hmm... But i dream of living amongst the Westerners someday, and learn to speak like them, especially the English! Americano is too punk and laid back. I simply LOVE how the English speak. Lol...

Oh and i sing in both English and Mandarin as well... my own creation according to my mood at the time... Haha...

Communications

Was on my way home from work when i saw a Warrant Officer i recognise, in his civilian clothes. The thing is i noticed how uncomfortable he seemed mingling with the "civilians". He was trying hard as he could to shift away when a young woman came and sat down next to him. Was kinda hilarious the way his eyes grew wild and started glancing all around for a place to hide.

So while laughing at him, i came up with a theory. This dude, is one of those stern, fierce, i-say-you-do kind of Warrant Officer, the I-have-the-power type. Communication in camp is simply barking of orders to the men under him. He only knows to say "Yes Sir!" to those above him, and expect the same from those underneath of him. Release him into society proper, he loses orientation of his place in the scheme of things. How to you get people to do things for you without exerting authority? He gets confused when he says "Excuse me, can i go first?" and is shot with a "No!". How those the system work out here? There isn't a clear indication of rank, ie. power rating. How should he behave to those people around him? Its not any better back at home. He's the head of the family, so when it comes to rank, he should be the big boss. Yet somehow it doesn't seem to work that well. His children find him too authoritative, and are reluctant to try communicating with him. His wife sees it as him being chauvinistic. He doesn't know what to do and hides behind his stern unapproachable exterior.

I suppose it could happen to quite alot of people, people in positions of power who are used to using that power to get their way. I'm glad i've never tried using rank on purpose. My style has always been to be on equal footing with my guys and winning them over with proper communications. But maybe its not that good an idea too... ends up with people getting too friendly with me, bordering on disrespectful at times lol... But oh well, i don't mind, its my fellow officers who feel that i'm "spoiling the market". Bleah...

Just some random musings...

Movie Review: 40 yr old virgin

Just came back from the show. Must say its not bad! Much better than expected. Was expecting something lame like 40 days 40 nights. But was amazed at the message that this movie tries to drive across. Not bad for a "western" film heh.

Was especially touched by the scene where the guy said something like "i finally understand why (why he's still a virgin at 40), its cos i've been waiting for you all this time..." Awwww...

I mean you probably won't understand it unless you watch the show, so if you're above 18, watch it! Haha...

If there were someone like that dude in real life, i'd probably look up to him lots. Being a nice guy and all, living in a society where he's kinda like the odd one out yet managing to stick to it for 40 yrs. That's something. Conviction to a belief. Even when he tried to change and go with the flow, he finds that he can't. Cos its not him. And thats so cool...

Anyway i was laughing most of the way through the film. There are parts where prob only guys would REALLY understand. Like going to the toilet with a stiffy... Gosh... Hahahaha...

Of SPECIAL mention, i watched the show with a GIRL!!! whom i've not seen in like 2 yrs? And even then i only like glimpsed at her a couple of times when we met then. Totally can't recall what she looks like haha...

Been feeling very very very bored and choking from the lack of life, scrolled through my entire phone list and realised there wasn't a single person i could ask out for good clean decent entertainment. So decided to go for the long shot and sms her. Truth be told, she had always seemed pretty intimidating in the forums, shooting smart asses down in double quick time. So i was pretty surprised to find her NICE and really friendly. Haha... Phew. No stress whatsoever and i totally enjoyed her company. Although i might have bored her abit here and there with my army talk. No life, what to do? Been a while since i went out with girls on a "date" too, kinda tongue tied mah... Oh, yea i'm sure you'd be wondering, and probably guessed it, she's PRETTY. Haha... quite surprised too lol... Remember her as a stick insect, but apparently office work has filled her out quite nicely... in the right places... (her kinda low-cut top made it a difficult for me man... had to look everywhere but THERE... i SWEAR i did not peep, not even once ^^ Not bad huh?) No worries, i'm in control, no funny thoughts ^^; (Edit: Ok so i did LOOK once... but i DID NOT PEEP! -.-)

K time to Zzz... Gotta go work later sianz...

Flower

DSC00157
Originally uploaded by Just Us (Me, Myself and... me... -_-").

I saw this flower while outfield the other day... Was thinking how nice if i could give it to someone lolx... Anyway took a picture of it instead. Wonder if anyone seen it already? Guess not... Bleah... its pretty nice ya? Just... need to turn your head abit... like 90 degress lol ^^

Psalm 142

Ahhhh... some problem submitting the entry and it got erased >.< Just when i received some BOOHOO news too... Darn... Anyway... I'll send it again ^^

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I cry aloud to the Lord;
I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.
I pour out my complaint before him;
before him i tell my trouble.

When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is you who know my way.
In the path where i walk
men have hidden a snare for me.
Look to my right and see;
no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
no one cares for my life.

I cry to you, O Lord;
I say, "You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living."
Listen to my cry, for i am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.
Set me free from my prison,
that i may praise your name.

Then the righteousness will gather about me
because of your goodness in me.

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I like the verse "When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way." Heh... Yea, God knows the way i walk... The "snare" and "prison" mentioned, i know what they are too... Gosh...

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I was feeling kinda better after watching Goal! earlier... decided to step out of my cave for abit... Was in a pretty good mood when i started writing this entry... then well... Oh well... I guess its OK la... Shouldn't worry people also. Bleah... Hey, i keep saying i gotta learn to love ya? What is loving? Its making sure others are happy, cared for, and get the best deal out of everything. Maybe i should thank Naruto lol... Been watching alot of Naruto lately. So what if you most probably won't get anything in return? If you claim to love, then, well, that shouldn't hamper your efforts to love! Mehhh... Gambate!

Hahaha... my can't help but laugh at myself... Baka... Luckily i've grown up a wee bit again recently... So i'm fine... *deep breath* Yeap, i'm fine ^^ The world goes on, and i'm off again seeking my path toward the destination that is God...

Goal in life?

It seems that everyone has a goal or goals in life. Most are what i consider worldly goals.

I want to be a doctor.

I want to be rich.

I want to marry a beautiful wife who loves me.

I want to own a WRX.

(Just examples...)

Even the religious ones like "I want to be a pastor, I want to preach in Africa..."

Goal in life = Reason to live?

I'm not saying its bad to have goals. Its good, and i'm glad you have one. Everyone should have a goal in life, something to make living worthwhile. All the shitnez that we go through in life, the pain, the suffering, the hurts... there must be something in the end that makes it all worthwhile right?

But if you ask me what my goal is in life, i won't know how to describe it. Usually i'd end up saying "I've no goal..." Its not exactly true, but then, my goal isn't in the usual list that people draw from. Sure, it'd be nice to achieve something at the end of it all. To be wealthy, to have someone to love me, and to love someone, to see my legacy continued on by my decendants. Yet it isn't what i'd qualify as a reason to live.

So what is it?

I don't know yet. I keep saying i'd know when i find it, and people are often skeptical over this proclaimation. He'd probably NEVER find it. Heh... actually if you look at it in another way, i do know what it is, in the sense that i know what isn't it.

To understand my goal in life, you have to understand me. Look at the world and life within it, the way i see it.

Life

The Chinese have this saying: 生老病死. These 4 words sum up our meagre existence on earth. To 生 (Be born), 老 (Grow old), 病 (Fall ill) and 死 (Die). What goes on in between is of no consequence. Eventually we all grow old whether you are rich or poor, successful or a failure. We fall prey to illness. And finally death claims us all.

I'm really proud of the Chinese philosophers in ancient times. They see what many people today still do not see. They see the meaning or meaningless of life should it be limited to just these 70-odd years on earth. Sure, you can leave a legacy behind, an empire, a civilisation, carriers of your ideals and beliefs. Yet as time passes, even the strongest of these fade and disappear. And what does it matter to the individual? Dead is dead.

Sure we hate 秦始皇 (The First Emperor of Qin). But we have to acknowledge his foresight, that at the pinnacle of his power, he saw the futility of it all, he saw death. The one thing that would rob him of everything, which ironically is the one thing he could not conquer.

Argh... my head's splitting, my heart's pounding. I'm scraping the surface of what i want to bring forth yet i can't find the words to say them. Sometimes language is so limited. Someone once asked: What language do we think in? I believe that we think in our native language, be it English, Mandarin, Malay, Tamil or whatever. And with every language, there will be situations where it is unable to commute what the heart desires, and the brain makes up for it with pictures, emotions, sensations. And that is why it is so hard to share my deepest beliefs. An accumulation of my life's experiences, my thoughts, my feelings...

Light on a lampstand

All men die. There is no escape. There was no hope, no future, no purpose to our lives. Of cos to most people they don't see it till the end. To some, we see it right from the beginning. 孔子 (Confuscious) sought 道 (The Way). The way out of this one way trip. By their own intellect many before and after him did the same. They wanted to find proof that their lives were not in vain. That there is SOMETHING after death. They wanted to believe that by the work that they do in this lifetime, they might gain eternal life in the form of 成仙 (godhood). A pity they did not hear Christ as He announced to the world : John 14:6 "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

The WAY that they sought. The light in the darkness that would lead them out.

今日不如往日 / Past > Present

How ironic that with all the technological advances and knowledge gained of the world, with the education that we are all given, we fail to see what people have seen in ages long past. Today we are self-smitten with our puny accomplishments, we chase the world blindly, devoting all our life's energy into something that holds no meaning after death. We strive so hard for something that seems valueable cos everyone else wants it, only to realise finally, when we do have it that we had lost out on what is really important and valueable. What is it with the world today that EVERYONE wants riches and power?

Matthew 16:25 - "What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?"

I find it hard to believe it when someone says that he gains riches so as to benefit the Church. Or that he wants to be a successful person to glorify God (remember a childhood friend who asked me, given a rich successful person and a beggar, who would you look up to more and listen to?).

If that were true, then give ALL of your riches to the Church. Give up all that you have gained and serve God in your full capacity. God uses people from all walks of life, be it a "successful" person or even a beggar. Don't place limits on Almighty God by suggesting that He can only work through "successful" people. Fine, i'm being pretty biased here, bleah...

God does not NEED our money or anything from us. We give, in order to gain. He wants us to give up that which is worthless and in return He gives us that which is priceless.

Why is this turning into another religious tirade? Hmmm... Maybe cos i'm quite pissed with Christians who don't SEE or HEAR. I'm tired of trying to explain to people who should already know what i know. People who should understand yet see me with the same eyes of those who don't.

You know what? I'm not going into anymore detail. I don't know how to anymore... I feel so alone... Its pitiful. It makes me doubt my beliefs sometimes. Yet when i want to quit, something always holds me back. Something deep inside tells me to hang on. I can't give up. I have to keep trying. Trying...? Trying to do what? I guess right now i'm just trying to find someone who sees what i see. Someone to confirm the value of my existence.

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Yes God, i know you're here always, but sometimes i wish i had someone physical to hug... someone to wipe my tears... That wish had gotten me into tons of trouble i know heh. But after yesterday's struggle, i SEE the trap that lies in that direction more clearly now. I think i understand this weakness of mine. Nonetheless, that dumb egg's not giving up, so Please, God, Please keep me strong once and for all. Let me learn to accept my life. So be it, if it is meant to be the way it is. So be it. I submit before you. Mold me that you may Use me.

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Hot shower
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Hmm... To sum it all up, i guess my goal for now, is just to find out if i'm right. And to find someone similar. Once done, i guess my goal would be to make EVERYONE See and Hear heh.

Concept Church

Its always been my dream to be a pastor one day. And i've always been dreaming up concepts for a church in Singapore in the 21st Century.

Today however during sermon i suddenly "saw" the most plausible and exciting concept ever. I remember how Pastor Chua had shared about how churches should not be enclosed behind our own four walls, so much so that people outside do not know what goes on within. Its an improvement over the previous idea i discussed with Jieming. That one was WAY out now that i look at it lol...

My newest concept: A OPEN Church that isn't fixed by locality. Kinda like a Church on a tour, travelling to a different "town" (initial thought is to hold in the local Shopping Centre like Jurong Point, Causeway point, Whitesands...) in Singapore each week to have Sunday service with heavier emphasis on Worship. Message will be short yet interesting, with an invitation to join in cell groups that will commence after the service.

Cons: As of now, government prob won't allow us to hold such gatherings.

Pros:

1. Church is held in the open. Everyone and anyone can join in or have a look. Even those restricted by their own religions and just "peep" to see whats Christianity all about. Parents worried about their kids being so into their church, friends from other religions curious about what our God is all about, aunties and uncles who swore never to step into a church... There is no pressure to have a look, after all "i only going supermarket passby mah...". Exposure of Christianity to the masses at its peak.

2. Tough getting friends down to church? No worries, we bring the church to them. No more excuses that the church is too far. Check the website to see when we're coming to a place near you! Of cos, we guarantee that one exposure is all it takes to be hooked ^^

3. Its HIP to be a Christian! Join in the open air Worship and praise the Lord! Wear your WWJD outfits! Declare to the public you're a Christian! Go around in the image of a Christian and show em what our love's all about! Show the world we're filled with love! Giving way to the elderly, being polite to the auntie selling you ur food... Possibilities are limitless!

4. The church will still be built upon the Cell group concept with Cells in every town. Next week going Sengkang, quickly invite your friends staying there! The Sengkang cell will be in charge of the event as well as forming the base crowd. But of cos, we hope and believe the church will be such a draw that EVERYONE would follow us to EVERY town EVERY week ^^ Afterall, how BIG is Singapore?

5. Grooming will be done through cellgroups. Interested to know more? Just indicate your interest and we'll invite you down to our local CG gathering right after the service! If you stay in that area, you'll meet neighbours and friends and fit right in i'm sure! (Immediate invitation to join right in while the person's all fired up after the hearty worship, what better timing?)

Gosh... i'm so excited about this concept. Of cos its still a concept with LOTS of wrinkles to be ironed out. But wow... if its possible... How not to multiply? Let our nation join in and Worship our Lord!