Love?

I was talking to one of the young officers working with me today and something he said inspired this article. For once the word LOVE in the title isn't associated with another puppy love of mine heh. I'm still holding out for my true love to drop outta sky ^^

Anyway, did i mention that he shared with me sometime last week that he's losing it? As in he feels that he's turning into a sex freak soon, and that i'm not to be surprised if his face shows up on the papers one day for molest of rape or something along those lines... Yup, a true blue poly-kia who's still a virgin at 21. Not bad huh? For a non-Christian especially. But too much porn and too much exposure to stories that people tell about their sexual escapades is getting to him >.< From what i know, his girlfriend's a good girl who he does't want to defile... So much so that he's ALMOST ready to find someone other than her to DO IT...

Well, i shared my experience with him, and hopefully that'll keep him intact for a while more.

***

So back to today. Over a normal conversation over lunch with the rest of the guys, we happened to talk about religion. For the life of me i can't recall why... And then i realised that his girlfriend's a Christian. Ah hah! No wonder nothing's happened to them even tho they had been together for 8 years... Was feeling proud of having a sister in Christ like her when he blurted out: "I go to church with her now and then, but she also goes bai-bai with me at temples..."

-.-"

Sigh... Can you understand how i felt then? And its not a uncommon thing, for girlfriends to lower their religious standards in order to keep their boyfriends. My boss' wife for one, gave up going to Church totally.

How do you tell someone about the REALness of your faith when people close to them, who are supposedly christians have portrayed the wrong image? I'm not saying that we should ACT like pharisees and be old stooges. I'm just saying that we should maintain our standards under ALL circumstances! There are things in our faith where NO means NO. There is no bargaining. There is no excuses "Oh, if i bend and go with him today, perhaps that would open a door for him to be more willing to come with me to church one day". No way. Its not about returning favours. He might do it as a favour, but trust me, in his eyes, in his heart, he already has this impression that hey, Christianity is not as fantastic as i thought it would be. Christians give up their stand so easily. Why should i listen to all their mumbo jumbo and be a so-called devout Christian when no one really is one?

A Christian he might become one day, a Sunday Christian. You're not opening a door, you're closing the door on him, and yourself.

I know, because i've lowered my standards once before, and because of that, i was unable to say anything "holy" or "righteous" to that person.

I know its kinda hard to understand. I'm not exactly sure how i can explain more clearly. Maybe someone who understands can help out? Gotta rush back to the Ops Room now... On 24hr duty today, already slacked off for an hour here haha... ^^

Looks Does Matter

Lesson of the day: "Don't expect too much from what you don't pay for. "

Had plodded down to MacDonald's wanting to have dinner there and perhaps blog abit on the free wireless access provided there. Was kinda surprised when i saw like easily 20 laptops there all spread out. Ok, no problem, got myself a seat, bought a meal and tried to log on.

*Connection Failed*

*Site is not responding for more than 30 seconds*

*Click Here to try again*

Arghhhhhh...!

And when i finally connected to the slow-mo network, i realised i couldn't go to ANY site... and MSN Messenger refused to link up.

Bahhh...

***

So, what does this have got to do with the title?

Nothing.

Superstar... undiscovered or ignored?

Well... ok, it was really triggered off by what i saw on my way to Mac. A blind middle-aged man sitting by the side of the pathway into Jurong Point, singing in a voice that George Michael would have applauded to.

It got me thinking... why is it that MOST of the popular singers we know of are usually good looking? And usually more good looking than talented, if you get what i mean.

I'm not too sure about the English singers, but i'm pretty sure that in the Chinese sector, the best sellers are usually the good looking ones. Sure, the not-so-well-endowed-physically ones do have a hit album now and then... Usually their first album, BEFORE people realise what they look like. Yea, notice how they keep their looks under wraps these days and use cartoons in their MTVs / Album packaging? At least they get ONE hit-seller. Heh.

Looks make the man

Its not a recent thing, this eye for beauty we possess. If you look at the famous leaders from history, they tend to be tall, good looking, eloquent men. People you look up to. Not because of what they stand for, but usually because of their striking good looks and the way they present themselves. In the beginning anyway.

Well of course there are exceptions... The shorty Adolf Hitler was one, but it was rumoured that his voice resonated at a certain frequency that hypnotises his listeners and captures their heart and soul. O.o"

If you're given a choice between 2 leaders, one who is good looking and confident, the other shifty looking and at a loss, which would you prefer without knowing their abilities? You would probably have given the former a few "bonus" subconsciously. And it probably would turn out that he really IS the better leader.

We are who YOU make us

Back to my theory that Expectations and Beliefs Make the Man. Mr Hercules grew up hearing praises and expectations that he would surely become successful and a hero amongst men. Mr Pimply-Face on the other hand probably grew up hearing comments on how he would never amount to anything great. Both judgements passed from birth, purely based on looks alone. Which do you think would be more successful? Would it matter if Mr Pimply-Face has got more potential than Mr Hercules? Would his potential ever be tapped? Would he have the confidence to use it?

Then again... There are exceptions... Look at me haha... Bahhhh...

I rememer this show i watched, starring Jude Law and some other dude (again, i only remember the better looking and therefore more famous of the two), about how in the future, a drop of blood from a just-born-infant would determine his or her future.

"99% will not survive a heart attack in his 40s. Inherent heart problem." - Low class citizen.

"Superior genes, physical potential unlimited, highly likely to be an outstanding sportsman." - High class citizen.

No one would hire the one with the "potential" to suffer a heart attack in the future. From young he would be told that he has a weak heart, although its working fine.

How different is that from how we judge kids from looks alone today?

Give them the benefit of doubt. Give them a chance to extract their potential!

Quiz of the day

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a tempered, reasonable way of thinking. You tend to take every new idea in, and meld it with your world view. For you, everything is always changing. Each moment is different. Your thinking process tends to be very natural - with no beginnings or endings.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Interesting read...

http://goinside.com/00/9/hedonism.html

Had always thought that hedonists are like anti-God kind of people... But i guess i'm abit off track if this article's anything to go by... Interesting concept. I guess true Christians are Hedonists in some sense... Heh... We ARE happy are we not? ^^

Quiz i did...

You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)

You're a great thinker and a true philosopher. You'd make a talented professor or writer.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

Hugs and Kisses...

Weird title huh? Ok i have no idea at this point how the entry will turn out. Probably not gonna be what you guys call "Holy holy". So yeah, NC-16!!! Do not read on if you don't meet the necessary age requirements heh.

Ok there, i've fulfilled my obligations to the blogging society. I'm such a responsible blogger hahaha... Hmmm... Blogger... Am i one? Lol...

*Ahem* Anyway... yeah... Hmmm... Crap!!! I have no idea how to carry on hahaha... This is pathetic. Can i have a NG pls? Someone call in the scriptwriters!

***

5 secs later...

Yes, 5 seconds later... Cannot ar? Bleah~ I'm feeling crappy can? Why else did you think you'll see a post like this?

Ok at this rate i'll get Slaps and Punches instead >.<

Fine... It all came about because i was suddenly overcome with a SINFUL desire to kiss someone. Ok before you start freaking out and think its YOU. I'm sorry, but probably NOT haha... So who? Lalalala... Don't they always say the first of anything always makes a lasting impression? So there, someone i gave my first kiss to. (READ: NOT my grandma, my mum, my aunts... PLS... THEY kissed me when i was a kiddo not the other way round! At least not willingly... >.<)

Before i get stoned, let me clarify that this in no way implies that i'm having feelings for that person the way i did in the past. Once you have an ex, you'll understand what i mean. Its a kind of yearning when you miss the good times. And the past always seems better than the present...

I was just thinking about the very first kiss and how it felt compared to the rest of the kisses i've had in my trashy life. No surprise there that i decided that the first was really the best. Best not in terms of technique of course... Duh... But the emotions involved, the love it was build around. And i realised that the longest kiss i've ever had was from her too haha...

***

What all these led to wasn't some wet dream. It led me back to those days when i had believed that my first kiss would be with the only girl in my life. Where had that ME gone to? I'm almost skeptical of true love now. Dare i believe that the NEXT girl i kiss will be the last? Or rather, the question should be: Dare i COMMIT myself, that the ONLY girl i will kiss henceforth will be my wife? ie. Not till she IS my wife?

When i look around the public these days, i see young couples hugging, kissing and sometimes worse... I wonder how they would feel if they knew NOW that this person they're hugging/kissing isn't going to be the one? Or rather how they would feel if THE ONE is actually one of the people shaking their heads at them right now? Catch my drift?

Heh ^^ I actually managed to turn this into something pretty HOLY hahaha... bleah~

Wimp?

Was bored and decided to pop into Xiaxue's blog see if she posted any pics of pretty girls OTHER than her photoshopped self. Pictures, NIL, stupid blog entries, plenty. Anyway one particular entry caught my eye. *Camp comp doesn't sure the toolbar for blogspot, can't put hyperlinks... MAYBE when i FINALLY get home i'll edit this post~*

The entry was triggered by events at the New Year countdown. You know, the low-lives cheap thrill groping incidents. What made me mention it is how she decides that guys who fail to react violently (ie. bash up the perpetrators) are wimps. There is NO EXCUSE for not standing up for them by beating the hell out of those low-lifes. Hence her title: There are men, and then there are men.

Well, as usual the defensive Miss Falling-popularity-Snow put up a subsequent entry saying she was just JOKING~ Right. Whatever.

But i wonder... do all girls, most girls, some girls really feel that guys should react more strongly if their female friend / girlfriend gets molested under those circumstances? I've been to a few countdowns in MY time. Usual groping incidents plenty, but nothing like this year's TACTICAL groping (spray then prey). I've never been in a situation where i think the right action to take is to maul the idiot up...

Lets see... Before we went down, the girls already KNOW sure kenna in one way or another. But STILL want to go cos want to enjoy the celebrative atmosphere >.< So in the first place its a conscious CHOICE to take the risk. Some girls would take the necessary preventive measures, ie. wear jeans, bring sling bag / backpack to cover body if needed. But of cos still got some would ai-swee wear short/mini skirts -.-

I can still remember when my then-gf informed me she had just been TOUCHED (not by an angel...). Immediate response: WHO? Answer: Dunno... too many people jostling about. But think is from the bunch of dark skinned bigots who form train of sorts and keep weaving in and out of the crowds.

Ok, so i have a bunch of likely suspects. Did not even THINK of challenging them. Not logical to me. My first action was to keep gf close to me, start scanning for a less crowded area and get us there as safely as possible and hopefully out of the targetting sights of those dumbos. Too afraid to challenge them? Well if i had CONSIDERED challenging them i suppose i would have been afraid. Afraid of the safety of my gf if i should go challenge them and things turn ugly. Her safety comes first, not my show of bravado. Its one thing for me to jump in and bash each other senseless, but totally another to get her dragged in. Who knows what worse things could happen then?

So NO, even if i'm sure who was the one who did it, even if he was alone, i won't be ripping his guts out. Not when i can't be 100% sure i would be able to protect whoever is with me from any retaliations or sneak attacks in revenge later on. Yea perhaps some girls would still decide i'm a wimp. But for the girl/s i'm with, i'll gladly BE a wimp if thats all they see. Bleah~

In my opinion, to those who Ah-Beng types who jump right at the suspect and start pounding away, i take my hat off to ya, you got the guts man, but hey, you're just a muscle head who can't wait to flex your muscles and act hero. Who's gonna protect your girl when you're there rolling on the ground struggling with the idiot? Oops... Ah Bengs usually won't act "garang" if they don't have their friends with them, preferably more than the opposition. Well... perhaps they would, IF the opposition is someone like 2 heads shorter and so fragile a cough would kill them.

Sorry if i offended you. ^^;

Sure i get misunderstood from time to time, i look at things differently, my sights are further... I look at the overall scheme of things and not just my selfish self. Whatever... know me, love me, thats what i believe heh ^^

Oh, to the WIMPS out there who only thought of protecting their own skins but ended up doing the same as i would, err... now you have a BETTER reason for doing what you did. Heh.

And finally, well, if i had a very good reason to really get violent (in the case where if i don't DO something, the girl would be in SERIOUS trouble...), i would. Trust me i would. Even if the odds are against me i would. Even if i know i'll end up a bleeding mess on the ground unable to help her anyway, i would. At least i tried. At least i gave my all. Not that its enough. I probably won't forgive myself still either. And thats probably why i'm always on the lookout, diverting all possibilities of that happening. So yea, many-a-times being a WIMP in people's eyes is the only way to avoid this scenario from happening, so i'll be da WIMP. Someday my Princess will see me as a HERO ^^

Busy me...

Phew... Been a horrendously busy end-start-of-year for me! Gosh... And the sad thing is, the worst is yet to come! Looked at the forecast for the rest of the year... NO BREAKS AT ALL! What kinda stupid work schedule is that?! And to think our boss actually said: Clear your leave for the sake of clearing, day by day if need be, come back to work if need be, but i don't want anyone to tell me at the end of the year they have leave left that are unable to be cleared. Like WHAT???

Anyway, i've been working my ARSE off. The past few weeks. YES... ME, JUSTUS TAN WORKING. Surprise surprise... Duh... Thats what i told my subordinates too... I'm supposed to be SLACKING! Why am i so darn busy all of a sudden? Why is everyone like suddenly realising i'm so bloody capable and throwing everything at me? >.< And to think i believed i had covered my tracks pretty well. Justus the slacker... -.-

So yea, i'm busy like crazy and people are throwing last minute tasks at me as if there isn't anyone else in the whole camp who can do it. And what are the rest doing? The bare minimum as usual... which i SHOULD be doing! Grrr...

***

Ok fine... I'm actually enjoying all the attention. Its actually quite exciting to really manage my time juggling several projects and tasks while STILL finding time to sleep on the couch in my office for an hour or so everyday BWahahahaha... I'm GOOD ^^ I work best under pressure~ Maybe cos I don't believe anything's impossible and i LOVE showing people that i can do what they can't hah!

Hmmm... But then again, my subordinates can testify that i'm going crazier and crazier as the work keeps coming in. Haha... Sprouting more and more nonsense le... Think i better rein myself in and start my HOLY chapter in life hmmm....

***

Oh i've been blading quite consistently the past few weeks with the youths ^^ Just a few more kinks i'd like to polish before i declare myself PROFICIENT and start trying stunts on my blades heh. Funny how i bought my blades with the intention of going blading with -J-, but end up blading with the youths and getting closer to them! Its a definite better result!

However my spirit's been taking a beating recently though. Always happens when i'm doing the right things. All sorts of temptations and silly broodings come crashing in, sucking the life out of me. Grrr... I KNOW all this attention i've been receiving at work is part of the SCHEME as well, don't THINK i don't know!

I've been feeling so alone and so NEEDY the past few nights... haiz... Like a little boy lost in the streets... Oh i SO remember the feeling... Gosh... Refraining from burdening LQ down as well. Not too healthy to keep bothering her anyway. She has her life and her boy-boy to care for. Mehhh... So yeah! I'll find my movie kaki... Just gotta be real careful how i handle. Cos not everyone is like LQ so simple (stupid...?) Hahaha... Joking laaa...

Kk, thats all for now... quite abit in fact... Been quite a long while since i rambled on like this. Heh... Triggled off by reading SOMEONE's blog... even more LOR SOR than me >.<

FRAGILE... Handle with Care

2 Cor 4 : 7-12

But this precious treasure - this light and power that now shine within us - is held in perishable containers, that is, in our weak bodies. So everyone can see that our glorious power is from God and is not our own.

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we getup again and keep going. Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. - NLT

This is the verse for today's sermon. Pastor Chua gave another great sermon on how our lives may be used for God's purpose, how the fragrance contained within the porcelein container may spill forth only when it is broken... And like what i made ZhongLin focus on, that if we allow our sins within to live on, we are in fact walking towards death. Let not the tiger return to its lair in the mountains! Pluck out the grass by its roots!

For me though, i saw the verse in another angle. I recalled how many people around me lament that their lives are so tough. How easily we fall ill! How easily does death come upon us! Yes, we are so fragile in many ways non-physical as well. How easily affected we are by words spoken by others. How our relation with our loved ones affect the day. How failure dulls everything around.

We are fragile, so God's glory may shine forth! We are weak, yet we can do great things because of God! Do not worry about your weak body. Let not sickness bind you down. Let God work His wonders through us! This is how He works!

Hmm... i really like this verse... I think i'll memorise it ^^ To remember when the going gets tough...

Take heed! Chins up! God is alongside us! YOU, yes YOU! Smile... cause God's camera's on ya! ^^

What does it take...?

Luke 11:39-42

Now then, you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. You foolish people!. Did not the one who made the outside make the inside also? But give what is inside the dish to the poor and everything will be clean for you. Woe to you Pharisees, because you give God a tenth of your mint, rue and all other kinds of garden herbs, but you neglect justice and the love of God. You should have practiced the latter without leaving the former undone.

Mark 10:24-25

Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.

Was just lamenting how many "Christians" today go about looking for a church that doesn't press them to spread the gospel, doesn't eat up their time and money, doesn't challenge them to make sacrifices... Basically, just going church on Sunday is all that is needed. Kinda like renewing your passport to heaven every Sunday while totally living your own life from Monday to Saturday. These i call "Sunday Christians".

Mark 16:16

Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.

How many "Sunday Christians" use this verse as their talisman? Treating Baptism as gaining a citizenship in heaven. But is saying you believe enough? How true is your belief if nothing from the Bible finds its way into your life? What difference is there in your life pre and post becoming a Christian? Note the 2nd part of the verse... whoever does not believe will be condemned. Baptism isn't in it! Being baptised is part of salvation, but its not part of condemnation. Do you see it? It simply means that even if you're baptised, you can still be condemned if you're found to be lacking in your belief!

So what is believing?

Christianity is about living a life that God would approve of. Jesus emphasizes countless times in his teachings that what is inside is much more important than what is outside. When you are good within, naturally your actions (your outside) would be good as well, it would flow naturally out of you. But if you're only acting, but really am unclean within, one day it will show, your "goodness" will not last. You can fake everyone, but God?

Believing is living God's teachings. Living it out. Obeying His commands. Putting yourself totally in His hands. Sounds like you've got no freedom? Not really actually. All He's ever asked of me is to kick those bad habits of mine. Everything He had asked of me was to make me a better person and to have a better life. In fact, He's only asked me to do things for MY own good, not His. Afterall, what does God NEED from me?

So are you a true Christian?

Lets say one day you suddenly come into an inheritance of a million dollars, courtesy of some long distance relative you didn't even knew you had.

Happy? Diliriously so i bet.

What happens if God suddenly speaks into your heart. Hey, if you gave this money to the Church, it would be able to do ALOT with it. All of it? Yup, all of it.

What would you do? Remember that this money is a bonus of sorts, dropped into your lap. Will you listen to God and give it all away? Or would you try to bargain? Give excuses?

Mark 10:17-22

As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. "Good teacher," he asked, "what must i do to inherit eternal life?"
"Why do you call me good?" Jesus answered. "No one is good - except God alone. You know the commandmants: 'Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.'"
"Teacher," he declared, "all these I have kept since I was a boy."
Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said, "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."
At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.

If you had even wanted to keep a cent from that million dollars, you would have failed. The lesson here isn't about the money. God doesn't NEED your money. Its about your heart. Would you keep anything from Him? Its not easy. But its possible. Go read the passage in the Bible. Jesus said something later with regards to it.

Think about it. Its already so difficult to give God money that fell out of the sky. How much more difficult for other things that we hold dear in our lives! Yet that is the standard that God has set. That is His challenge!

When i received my year end bonus, i had contemplated giving it all to Church. But i held back. Oh i gave a million reasons. But the truth was, i wasn't willing to let go of it. Money. Heh... Its too late to do so now, hesitation is kinda like failing as well. Or it could be another reason not to do so now haha... But i WILL give it all to Him in other ways. And one day I will just keep what i need for myself and give everything else to Him. Yes i will...

So am i a true Christian? I'm ALMOST there... still working on it heh... Give up my games! My gadgets! Arghhhhhhhh... ^^

New Year...

Its the New Year... But i don't really feel happy about it.

I did alot of soul searching with a recap of my life... with special focus on 2005, cos this is the year that i crawled back to God. All the way up till the last hour of 2005.

I'm crushed.

I see more filth than a dumpsite. My life's horrendous! Sure, there's some good spots... but... Sigh... Its true that if you cook an omelette with 5 eggs, one of which's bad, nothing u do after would save the omelette from its fate. No amount of soy sause or pepper would make it taste nor smell better. But of course, i know Jesus came to change that. Through Him we are saved.

The thing is, there are so many things i've done that are pure crap... Things i obviously KNOW to be wrong... Argh... Stupid stupid stupid... Baka baka baka... Arghhhhhhhh...

I've always known and told people that sin itself lies in our hearts and minds. Its a fine line that we thread, and by our decision at THE moment, we decide if we'll do the right thing or not... Yet for countless times, i've had to choose the wrong side. At the moment.

Kudos to W for this verse.

James 1:14-15

but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and sin, when its is full grown, gives birth to death.

How true that is! Evil desires... Humpfh... I totally agree that evil desires (or desires that are not what God would probably approve of) will only be accomplished through ways that usually involve sin. Haiz...

Really feel ashamed and disappointed with myself... And i prayed... the most sincere prayer i could muster... God, please keep me from falling to temptation... help me overcome temptation. I've tried doing it by my own will, and i know it doesn't work that way. Please help me... i want to improve... i want to repent... i want to move closer to you... for as long as i can, even if i'm already doomed. I don't care what my fate is, all i know is that i love you God, and i want to please you...

Flipped open the Bible and saw His words comforting me...

John 9:41

Jesus said, "If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains."

Thank you Lord, that i may see my own failings, my sins and my weaknesses. I am blind... but through you i will see once more...

Sometimes when i think about facing God one day in Heaven, i'm freaking terrified. I've no idea how i can face Him with that multitude of sins that i have. Mostly committed AFTER i've known Him and His teachings. Sometimes i think i'd rather hide in hell than face Him...

But i won't... Cos i WILL crawl back home as the prodigal son did. I'll eat pig's feed if it'll give me strength for the journey home. I don't care if i'll only have one day to spend back home. I want to go home and tell Him i'm sorry, and i'm back. I want to see His smile. I'm back Father... I'm back...

***

Lord i thank you for your blessings upon me. I thank you for everything that you've given me. Please forgive me and help me not repeat my mistakes like i've in the past. Mould me that i may be used! Please use me... for if i am unusable, please take away my life... for there would no longer be any purpose to my life. Let me live that i may serve your purpose...